jerry's blog: "Lost Serenity"

Its Sunday.I am in my new home.Its been two weeks now.Still haven't settled in yet.Still have my clothes in my car and it is starting to put off fumes.I also need to go to the dump!(lol).When you are alone everything comes to visit you in the mind.Old friends,past events.....past regrets.....the could of would of should of.Now I am dealing with the fact that people who are close to me are trying to get into my mind to see where I am at.So I have fortified my newly made walls to keep them out.They will be torn down one day by the one who knows what tools to use.But for now there is nothing that can get in for I am protecting what is behind them for it is full of beauty and depth.I got to see my boys yesterday for the first time in two weeks and even though we had fun I can see there pain and concern.I am just hoping now that they will one day come to the conclusion that what I did I did for myself and them also.Whenever you hide from your true self you get lost.Now thru the quietness of it all I am finding my way again.Just more reluctant to trust now.I hope i can overcome that.If anything about writing these things it allows me to get it out.Maybe someone else will read these and get something from them.For one day they will stop.I am finding that at the end of the day,if you don't believe in yourself you won't make it at anything.