jerry's blog: "Lost Serenity"

Today I am in one of my low moods.Actually it is the only time I write.It came on last night,out of the blue.I wish I could stop these swings.I don't like them.With all of the events that have happened during this summer I am trying my hardest not to revert to what I was in my earlier life.The best analogy I can give here is the movie Unforgiven.So right now I am listening to Evanesence.Amy's voice brings me peace to my unsettled spirit.It's all about vibration I guess.Last night when I felt this mood coming on I went to the river.The York River.I would always go there whenever I start questioning my life.It is beautiful especially at night when the moon is over top or setting.The best part about that is where I am living now all I have to do is is walk outside and I am there.I have a bench that sits about five feet from about a twenty-five foot straight drop down to the beach.I stood at the very edge looking at the waves twinkling in the moonlight along with a very strong southeast wind.Then I closed my eyes and the thoughts came.Thoughts that I had long ago when I was confused and trying to find my direction.Well I guess I am at that place again.My problem is I really don't fit anywhere,although I have the gift to adjust to anywhere.If someone takes a look at my profile on here,what I look like is not me and I feel like I am in a prison at times.I have fought this demon all my life.So now I am questioning myself again.So as I stood at the edge of the dropoff taking in the thoughts and energy of the environment,I saw my boys.Then the river spoke,as it always does.It said,take in all the power you are feeling and believe.