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What are you waiting for?
After thinking deeper about this unknown hearts desire that nags at me, what is keeping me from figuring out what it is. I said it was that this hidden want is only found where hope and dreams live but that is not totally true. I say the reason that I don't know what this longing is because have let my hope die. The fact I have the desire is proof hope is still there it is just suppressed by the soul sapping demon, fear. I have been either disappointed by others I thought that loved me or have had my own personal failures that have made me feel like I am unworthy, so the fear pushes down the hope. I have realized I have become a slave to this fear of hoping. If you don't want anything then there is nothing that can disappoint you. Then to cover this I take a attitude of apathy it is easy to hide your hurt behind a mask of not caring. Once this fact dawned on me that one thing becomes clear, I want to have that one person I love and that loves me back.. A complete love build on trust and on a deep intimate level that too this day I have never felt. Now I see all my relationships in my past I was looking for this, and if I got anything close to that I would hold on to it even if it lead to heartbreak. I see I have settled for others that could never be what I wanted then get mad at them cause they were not that one thing. Now taking a look in the mirror, I know now what that one thing is I have to find the way to get to it. Maybe this is where life begins anew for me, I guess who ever even reads this if anybody, will have to stay turned and we will see what happens.
