XaviRoseMaiden's blog: "Real stories"

The super moon was so beautiful the other night .. one of the most amzing moons i've ever seen ... 

I couldn't help but take my camera out to try and captire some of its beauty only for a few moments ... 

The shine , the glow .. the whole eclipse was incredible to watch... and I captured it with my lens .. 

I was so happy ... 

There are those moments where you can immortalize things... 

with a Camera .. or some kind of writing .. 

Sometimes it is so worth it .. 

So strange when you miss someone ... 

who doesn't want to be friends anymore ... 

so strange .. when u get so used to seeing them .. 

and thier not there ..

 

It sux when you put so much effort in .. 

for everything to dissapear .. 

 i know he was just my friend.. 

but ... 

yeah i miss him ... 

hes was like my best friend... 

 

 

 

Moving on ... 

One day at a time , 

My ex got good news i'm happy for him .

If he told me six months ago i might still of been mad at  him...

i'm not mad about the relationship ending

I'm glad we realized werent the ones mean't for each each other..

and we didnt stay together for the sake of being together

Lifes goes ...

We all go at our own pace..

it's not a race ...

Let your heart heal ..

Its ok to be single ..

sometimes its' even awesome...

you learn so much about yourself ..

you learn to appreciate things bout yourself that u didn't when you were a couple ..

you get more time to work on yourself ..

to hang out and spend time with friends ... 

there's alot of good things about being single.. 

And when the time finally comes that you meet someone .. 

I think your more ready .. 

because you know whar you wan't... 

you have better communicationg skills... 

No one will be perfect and the someone for you .. 

might just be the one who drives you crazy ... 

the one who is annoying ... 

but also takes the time to get you .. as in understand you ... 

and the commitment to you is clear .. 

i refuse rush anymore ... 

If you want to leave theres a open door ... 

my spirit is strong .. but my tears run deep ... 

But either way life doesn't stand still ... 

So we have to keep moving on ... 

Be careful out there .. 

Make sure your ready .. 

before you get caught in love again ... 

But when's its true ... 

you'll see 

you'll feel

 that love is undoutably real .. 

Til then lock that door, 

you hold the key .. 

Love will find its way ... maynot right now .. you won't know exactly when ... 

So just keep moving doing your own thing ... enjoying the wonderful things that life can bring ... 

Just keep moving on ... 

I didn't really have to much time to think about how much i missed my Mum cause i was too busy working .. but i squeezed in a lil reminiscing... She wanted to make the world a better place and she always used art to do so ... A long time she was going to Art with Refugees in detention centres in Australia.. I'm so proud of my Mum .. She we back to school at 50 and got her counseling degree ... But all she wanted was to heal the hearts of the hurting ... i sure miss her smile.. her sense of humour and her spirit that made her one of a kind .. maybe i'll end up carrying on her dream... to help make this world a better place through Art! As a humble artist she gave away almost all her Art! She exhibited only for good causes ... She wasn't perfect ... But she was amazing ... such a big heart .. it seemed like it had no end to it ... The only person she didn't look after was herself... as a result she never knew she was sick ... she almost never went to the doctor... 
Well so the story goes ... eventually that's killed her ... she suddenly had a stroke ... then during that week she got worse and worse .. til finally ... she was gone .. We all had to say good bye.. It was hardest thing i'd ever had to do so far in my lifetime .. to let her go she was my best friend , my Mum , my everything ... 
so 14 years on i still miss her ... it still hurts sometimes but i still go on .. and i hope that she is proud of me , the way that i am proud of her ... My butterfly... 
I love you now and forever love always 

Love u Always

your darling little girl...

Briar

So many emotions flow  out of me 

So much passion ... 

Its like i can barely control it ... 

 

not just pasion for your body .. but passion for your mind and soul .. 

you make me want to be a better person .. 

you make want to try harder ... fight longer .. 

You make lose ...my breath .. 

I fight to keep up with you .. 

I fight to challenge you .. 

 

But at the end of the day .. im being me now 

 more then i ever have before ... 

 

You keep me guessing around every corner ... 

You keep me wondering what will come ... 

you keep me dreaming of you .. night after night .. 

 

When i think about you so much it drives me crazy ... 

it makes me ... ache 

it makes me burn

Ughhh its so hard ... 

but so worth it .. 

 

Gods been good to me!

He's given us so much..

 

A place to live.. food to eat.. clothes to wear.. heat to keep us warm..a church to nourish our hungry souls...

Friends who are family..

 

I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

I never said was perfect  im just me ... rather im striving to find a way to be humble .. Striving to find a way to be kind .

Sometimes the more friends u have the more you let them down .. But at the end of the day .. you have to try to let yourself down as well. The hardest person on me is me .. And if i gave up on me i'd be dead by now .. if i gave up me i wouldn't feel a thing , i wouldn't try to help a soul .. I wouldn't be me ..

 

my top epil fail is to procastinate .. 

I get scared sometimes .. and fear sometimes stops you from doing what you need to most .. 

And sometimes the other people or agencies your to use .. don't call 

 

One little step in the right direction is better then two steps back in the wrong . i'm careful where i place my steps .. I get frustrated too when my efforts seems in vain .. 

i get confused and distracted by others pain

But i won't give up on me .. i'm determined to have  a new life ... I'm determined to better me .. The hardest things in life are generalyl the  things we need to do the most .

Patience is a virtue .. being slow ot anger is a must .. having a sense of homour when it all goes bad .. is a quality i have .. 

I have so little right now in my life but i appreicate so much .. Whereas before when i had everything i threw it all away .. on lonely shopping sprees , and i barely had a true friend to call my own ..

even if everyone does give on me on me God will be there , his arms outstretched to hold me close... We all have fears and we all have failures .. We all have periods our lives where we struggle the most .

 

I have amazing friends in my life and amazing family both here and in real life !

After traveling over and in 4 of 6 continents i have come to the conclusion that while we want to feel sorry for kids , and adults who are poor .. they have different kind of appreciation for life . Sometime i feel sorry for us It's not what they get in life that makes them happy .. it's who they share it with . My brother went and spent time in Nambia and Zambia tow different countries in the continent of Africa and other places too.. And those kids on the surface had so little , but it took so little to make them smile. Here in the Us our kids have everything and it takes them so much to smile.My brother went over there to teach them English and found out they need Math. . those kids had needs , lots of them but everything they got ,they were grateful for .. there has gotta to be a balance somewhere .. between wants and needs and how much we give them..Or we're just lining the pockets of the already rich people and corporations To normal to give kids things now , that back in the old days they had to work and save for . I'ts changing society as we know it .Kids with smart phones , Ipods , tablets .. there's no need for them to have these .. but they do .. and thier still not happy mostly they just want more and more . I'm not saying don't give them things but i'm saying let them learn and appreciate the value of a dollar, otherwise they never will. the more we want isn't always the more we need .. Less is more ..

OUR LAST GOODBYE

I remember it like it was yesterday , but it was 9 years ago .. 

 i got the call ,, i knew you were alomst gone .. 

 by the time the plane had touched down i prepared for our last good eye .. 

Everyone was there , but it felt like i was alone with you .. 

your spirit was so strong .. i swear i felt you there ... 

I wanted to hold you forever , but i had to let you go 

I had to let you have your peice , Your forever remembered , your such a huge part of me .. Our last goodbye it made me cry and cry ... i was so very numb ... but as the time went on it got stronger ... it burned deep .. it scared deep ... 

But i will never forget our last goodbye , i will never forget your smile . i WILL NEVER FORGET U!

Sometimes you just wake up in the mornig ,and you want to write , 

the urge is so strong pen , you have to pick up your pen , or type 

Writing is healing , writing is joy .. Writing gives you  something to remember , when all else seems bad .

I love to look over and read the stuff i've already wrote, and if there's anything i can do it make it better .. even just by one word. you have to write with so much emotion , that's what i heard ..

Writing could a story it could a be song , it could be some kind of poetry , or just a distant memory of some precious memory you had .