XaviRoseMaiden's blog: "poetry"

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 Where are you now my friend ? 

I wish there was more i could do ... 

I'm so worried  about you ... 

And if ... u dissapear ... 

Then what .... 

I dont know ... 

I wish had more to give .. yet i dont know 

Why is the world the way it is .. 

I cant for fight for you .. but i can fight with you ... 

yet it seems ... 

 Even that .. will not be a choice ... 

Beyond what i know of our friendship .. We enter the unknown

Now we enter a stage of darkness... of depression .. so deep so painful .. that the wall themselves seem impossible to climb 

I've been there down in that dark place ... 

Where it seemed like almost no light creept into that tunnel ... 

My heart was so numb .. from pain .. my whole body ached .. 

And i no longer wished to be here on this planet .... 

it hurt to breathe ... to think , to exist...

The day she died ... The day buried her , the day i left my family , not knowing when or how id ever see them again ... 

The day he broke my heart and it shattered into a million pieces on the floor .... these are all times i wanted to give up ....Prayed not to awake .. 

Even the sun's shinings rays ... 

Couldn't make my heart feel new again ...

 But the ones i love , somehow convinced me not to give up hope ... so the smallest seed of hopeand love grew in my heart , in my soul ... 

and that seed of hope was watered by the ones i loved and every day with lvoe , kindness and compassion it grew bigger... 

I wont say , there aren't when i don't want to be here , but because it all seems too much ... 

But the seed of hope that was plantedlong ago  is now a small tree... and it can be destroyed so easily any more... 

And there so many people in the world i live for .....

I love them , more then me .... 

And i can't bear to place the saddest burden upon their hearts....

So i can't let my thoughts dwell too long in that place where the light never creeps in ... 

instead i see the beauty of the world ... 

I see the flowers , the roses, the brilliant sunsets of florida, the street art .. 

I see the hearts of people both good and bad ... but im no judge ... just an observer ... 

A writer conected forever to the soul of this old world... 

Connected to the love ... 

Connected to the hope ... 

Connected to the pain .... 

Connected to the Anger ... 

 

And im so sick of people saying that tears make s weak , who said ... 

Tears themselves are not the enemy either is being weak for at times humans must be .. for them ot value being strong ...

But the longer we dwell in that place with no light , that place becomes the place we know and want to stay ... because beyond it is unknown and scary 

 

But now with all my lifes expereinces i can dwell in places of lil comfort and find ways to surive... 

Because it is in those places we grow the most as person... as a soul  ... 

Without them , we do not change ....

We do not value what it is we have ... 

But its human .. and we are allowed to be human to make mistakes ... 

It is ok to fall on ones faces ... in a pud of mud... 

We just have to get up up again even with the pain , the embarassment  etc ... slowly carefully , and wash one's face .. and choose to continue on ... 

We fall so much as toddlers... When ou mothers see us , they must choose not to over react to us falling .. because than we as the child fear walking .... 

As adults it seems we must fear living ... 

And being in places and times of our lives with uncertainity... with the unknown ... 

But what is life without those places , those experiences ? 

I have to beleive that there is more ... 

There is so much more beyond ... 

that life can be , and for me must be alive ... 

with feeling , passion, love , sadness , sorrow , anger ... all of these ... 

expereince must be also ... 

But it is not the end only ... part of the journey ... 

My heart feels heavy ... 

Thinking that you my friend ... 

Will not be here to see and expereince all of this ... 

For brighter days will come ... 

Love you Always beyond here into the next ...

 

For at times we must full of sorrow , and ache to value the true joy of happieness.... 

Sometimes we must lose everything .. to start anew .... 

it doesn't makes us weak it makes us stronger... 

 

Oh my friend i wish i carry you across with ocean of despair ... 

across this ocean of hopelessness you feel so deep inside your heart .... 

I wish i could make you want to stay longer on this planet , in this world ... 

But some choices are not ours to make ... 

Some remain with the person... 

My friend i wish you well , with all that is my heart ... 

your journey is long .... Your feet are tired ... 

I love you and if you leave this world i will miss you ...