tedgresham's blog: "Bohemian Bull"

It's one of those days when I have nothing better to do so you're fuckin' stuck with me. 

I am totally not sure what this fuBar thing is supposed to be here for.  It is a community of people more in tune with my world than, say, disney.com or Face-everybody-is-so-silly-book.  Some of the folks here are all involved and shit.  They have time, I guess, like people on Facebook play those dorky games like the Mafia shit or the totally weird farm thing.  Odd.  But Fubar also seems like one of those predator kind of places where horny people look for screws and lonely women hope they'll find Mr. Right.

What really fucking befuddles and amuses me, in a sad sort of way, is how predatory and totally dumbass men troll women's pages and dump 11's and make assinine comments like "you're beautiful" and "you're hot" and shit like that when it's a total fucking lie.  No, really, I am not insulting the women but ragging on the men for being such cads and dickheads.  Jeezus, a woman knows a fuzzy, poorly made cam pic is neither "sexy" or beautiful.  Shit, even bombshell bimbo's can't quite pull off those with a cam in a bathroom mirror or sitting at a notebook with that cheezy webcam for picturing.  Give it a rest, dumbass, be real.

I like women.  Really, I really, really like women.  I can honestly say there are many I find attractive that aside from the predators online would not get a second look.  There are some I find totally unattractive.  It's a shallow and pathetic human trait to make such judgments.  Every person does it, man or woman.  But men are such dicks they most often fall into the "put a bag over their head" mentality.  What pricks.

From some of the profiles I've read a lot of men go on about the size of their wanger or their prowess.  Any woman who WOULD be attracted by such pathetic shit-headery is way too much the tramp and sleeze for me to want to be around.  Any woman who starts out with "I like them BIG" is a total slut in my humble and unappreciated opinion.  Besides, she'd laugh at my itzy package and tell me to go home to momma.  Ha!  To the guy who seeks sluts I say shaving cream on the toilet seat.  To the slut who wants them big I say produce aisle, cucumbers.

Back on subject, it's true, men are jerkwad slobs.  No wonder women by the hundred thousand still swoon over a keyboard guy after guy after disgusting guy and hope for "Mr. Right."  That guy is a myth.  He doesn't exist and if he did he'd be a pussy-brained shithead coward you would soon want to go away.  There are average kind of guys, a few, like me, who in spite of my fucked up head and fuck-filled language can and will be respectful and kind to a good woman--and if the opportunity arises send her shrieking into orgasmic heaven.  But those guys, guys like me, few as they are, snoop around looking for a like-minded friend and drinkin' buddy.  Doesn't matter all that much if the nights grow long and slippery or not.  It's just a nice idea.

Women, men do NOT wash their hands.  I do, I teach my boy to, but there's not one in ten who does.  I hate touching doorknobs.  I often use a towel to open the door to get out of a can.  If you can't trust them to wash their hands do you trust them to do more?  Men are slobs.  Totally!

I digress ....again.  If I say a woman is beautiful then I mean it.  I don't often say so because those who are get told that so much it is boring and those who are only pretty know goddamn well a man is lying to get into her pants.  Maybe she believes the lie sometimes, just to keep her bunk warm on occasion, but she knows.  Men dream of plinking prom queens but they'll settle for the square-jawed four-eyed girl in the back... then laugh about her the next day.  Assholes all.

Finding a woman just to screw, or a man for that matter, is just stupid.  Really.  Except for very young and very atheletic people, the average screwing time is an hour, more or less.  Then what?  Talk about Jesus or the grandbabies?  Shiiiit.  The perfect woman for me is one who is somewhat attractive, not obsessed with motorcycles, fishing, camping, hunting, or Jesus... or grandbabies... is as cynical as I am or on her way there, victim of a multiple-broken heart like me, confused about life and pissed about more, and who loves hard rock and heavy metal music and beer.  The beer part is not requisite.  But if I found such a wonderful woman in all the world I would treat her very, very kindly and if we ever got down and nekkid I would make sure she was a happy chick!  But I won't ever be on the prowl just for a hole to poke like the assholes who lie to women to get in her pants. 

So, there.  Yeeeeeng!