willdamnt's blog: "Not so deep thoughts"

I wish I had a cure for the stupid’s I have I wish the test God gave me I didn’t get a C- in I wish I could be what they all want and more. I wish I could fix all that’s wrong with what I see and even the stuff I don’t. I wish I was better at being me I wish when I smiled that people could see why I wish that I was perfect enough not to cry when I puke thoughts on a page I wish I didn’t spend so long making bad choices I wish I could have time to go back and fix what I did wrong I wish I had never felt the need for a cold barrel against my head .I wish that I could hide my pain better, I wish that I was all that you wanted. I wish, I was all that I wanted. I wish I knew what I wanted, I wish wishes would come true I wish that love never fucked with my head like this I wish it didn’t give me nightmares to dream of the past I wish the candy jar of life weren’t always running out when I stick my hand in it I wish I put more effort into being me I wish I could try harder, I wish I could be closer to the family I wish I was not the black sheep I wish I was a better person I wish other people were worse I wish winter winds would dry the tears I wish that my heart was not on my sleeve, I wish the truth didn’t hurt that much. I wish I don’t know I just wish maybe it’s too much maybe it’s not enough I wish I knew where I was going hell sometimes I wish I knew where I have been I wish I never got off the path then again I wish the path weren’t so well defined I wish I could hold you in my arms I wish I could kiss you and tell you it’s all going to be alright but without you I don’t know. I wish words would not kick me so hard, I wish the pain would stop I wish all the voices in my head would take their turn. I wish running from the pain would work I wish that all it took was one thing to set it all up right. I wish I could have all the time to make the right choices, I wish my struggles were not such a struggle. I wish that I had a grip on it all. I wish that crazy was a solution I wish that time would really heal everything I wish that I could smile, I wish I could hurt better I wish I could say I lived through life I wish forever with you did not feel so far away I wish when I thought of something it was the right something . I wish the sword we all fall on was not so sharp I wish the episodes of life I remember were not always so fucked up. I wish I could turn hurt into power, I wish I could take a minute to smile and it would mean something. I wish when I cried that the tears did not hurt so much I wish when I bleed the guilt would go away. I wish I had feelings I wish that I could make it all ok, I wish I could be everything for everyone. I wish we all had simple needs. I wish we all weren’t having these meetings in my head. I wish for it all and then some I wish I could improve the world before I left it. I wish that I could hold up my head when I walked, I wish puddles were not so deep I wish tree’s were all easy to climb I wish that hunger didn’t make me so tired I wish that sober didn’t matter, I wish that I could feel your love every step of the way I wish I could make you feel my love all the way to the top I wish that wishing didn’t hurt so much,… I wish that when I spoke I didn’t taste crazy I wish the sounds I hear at night all didn’t come from my head I wish that trouble came in smaller dose’s I wish my goals we’re easy I wish I could stop coming up with things to wish for I wish life was fair for you I wish tears of joy would stream down my face I wish every step I took didn’t hurt like hell I wish that moving forward would be noticed as much as falling down I wish people would look at me as a person not a problem I wish we all we’re not hypocrites I wish I understood more I wish life was longer I wish that the candles made you feel better I wish that this fear would wonder off, I wish this storm would pass I wish that candles burned brighter in the dark night I wish love was strong as the words we put into it I wish you wouldn’t fail me before I start I wish it wasn’t hard to tell the truth I wish that the pain felt as good as the rain, I wish you could not hurt I wish  friends weren’t  gone, I wish 15 was forever I wish I could be a better me I wish I had time to go crazy and be back to normal by tomorrow. I wish I had stuck to stealing candy. I wish it was not all my own fault, I wish the pills had worked I wish that my mind was easy to clear like an etch-a-sketch, I wish when I took a shot the guilt would crawl back down, I wish that loss was not such a pain. I wish we all had what we want. I wish I could make your world better than mine I wish that when I ran away fate would not always follow I wish that hunger we’re solved just by food, I wish that you will be strong when I’m gone I wish that life rolled over and gave in to it all and let me take back over I wish we all could see what I see I wish that the lions roar made you proud I wish that sunny days lasted longer I wish mood was not such a bad word, I wish we could be friends I wish we could be better at it all I wish it did not take so long to get what we want I wish helpless meant you didn’t need help I wish hopeless never included me I wish I ran more with scissors, I wish I had all the right answers I wish I had learned that lesson, I wish I never got trapped by my own dreams I wish you could rise to the top I wish perfection was not a word. I wish failure came with gratitude I wish confusion counted as a disorder, I wish I knew what was going wrong before it was too late I wish I had a better grip on reality I wish when I wished it didn’t feel so hollow I wish I was not the only one to wish I wish I could see I wish I could fix it all and walk away like nothing happened I wish that there was a crazy person we could all trust I wish I could type. I wish crying didn’t make me feel like I have lost it all I wish money grew on more common tree’s I wish I could be more like you I wish you could see why I am me I wish I ran out of reasons to hate, I wish war would stop breaking out in my head I wish you all had someone as special as I do I wish you could have it all and then some. I wish that I knew how to go through this world I wish the game was not set up for you to fail. I wish when I looked at the stars it was for reasons other than your not here, I wish I could fix it all, I wish Jesus was still serving whine, I wish that the evil in me was not always so rude I wish the finish line was closer I wish desire did not where you down I wish I had more time I wish you could read what I thought not just what I wrote. I wish misunderstood was not so mean sometimes I wish fair was a real word. I wish the sun would slow down. I wish the nights we’re longer I wish when my head was above water it wasn’t because I drowned I wish when I walked my footprints meant something, I wish so many thoughts did not come from such a small bottle I wish that my abrupt end would not hurt a single person I wish you could see that I’m not ok and that’s probably for the better, I wish you the best even in the worst of times, I wish you all meet in the end, I wish hell was just a nightmare I wish strange things didn’t happen to normal people I wish you didn’t skip over my thoughts, I wish I had more important things to wish for I wish I was better at being human I wish the wars would stop I wish that all of us we’re together I wish it was only seconds till we could hold each other I wish time was fair I wish fate was not fools gold. I wish I had a jacket for every cold man I wish I had a meal for every starving family I wish I had a home to give to every homeless person I wish I could rearrange the world. I wish when I ran from trouble I didn’t run into more, I wish when I went crazy some of you had gone with me, I wish that lost didn’t feel alone I wish wrong didn’t hurt so bad I wish I got a free wish every time I got a choice right I wish I wasn’t right about the wrong stuff I wish when I said no problem it actually was no problem. I wish the voices in my head would grab a megaphone I wish walls did not collapse around me, I wish my mind didn’t stutter,.  I wish things that are black and white were not so blurry, I wish crazy was okay  I wish I could run forever I wish the tears fell softly  I wish the end was near, I wish this hunger didn’t hurt so bad I wish this pain didn’t feel so good I wish I was wrong more, I wish all the drugs kicked in at once I didn’t miss I wish I could remember how good it felt I wish this pen  ran out of ink I wish I could run out of thoughts I wish they gave guns to crazy people I wish the police didn’t know me by name I wish copasetic felt good I wish I had some more time to explain it all I wish I could smell regret before I got such a taste of it I wish more people more like themselves I wish it was not fucked I wish fools didn’t rush in. I wish it was easy being me. I wish you had yelled a lil more I wish the advice you gave was the advice I took I wish I could take it all in I wish I didn’t want to be there when I was here I wish there was a here that felt just like there I wish there was a now was like then  I wish I didn’t have the same dream over and over again I wish the moment meant as much to you as it does for me I wish all this off balance would hold me up just a little while longer I wish all those cops never knew my name  I wish I knew how not to drive myself crazy. I wish that I couldn’t hear the dead so clear. I wish I could rinse all the trouble away with all this whiskey I wish I could clean my head with the tears that fall I wish I knew when it was all going to be over I wish I didn’t write when I was sad I wish I wasn’t sad when I wrote I wish I could make you all understand I wish the skeletons in my closet would come out on their own I wish that I could breathe I wish it was not instinct that told me to get up and run everyday. I wish there were better words than crazy to describe me. I wish the longer I spoke the more you listened I wish I didn’t already know how it was going to feel when I lost it all. I wish others see in me whatever it is that you see in me. I wish I could hold hands forever I wish this last kiss would never end I wish when I opened my eye’s it all would not go away I wish love were not such a dream I wish love was not such a nightmare. I wish I had the power to stop myself I wish I wasn’t , I wish I was I wish every time I wished someone else’s wish would come true I wish all you had the will to keep wishing. I wish you the best of luck in what you do next. I wish it was going to be all right in the end……