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What are you waiting for?
How many of us pay attention to what is all around us everyday?.....there are signs that help us out every now and then, some are obvious and some take a lil bit more concentration to see and when it is seen it makes a big difference.........But in most cases when your attention is not focused and you miss an opportunity there is a "second chance" and what was meant to happen.....happens.
Whatever you believe in, fate, God, karma, or destiny, when that special one crosses your path, time itself stops, you share a look and hope they have the same feeling you have before you make your move (if your single) but what if your with someone does the same rules apply? There is a song by Babyface and Pebbles (those that remember know who I'm talking about) called "Love Makes Things Happen" when it hits you the chances you have are next to none to resist.......
I've been one to see "things" that other people normally wouldn't see, have seen signs a time or two and learned that some people don't wanna see what they know is good for them cause they either feel like their not worthy of being blessed and content or too scared of getting hurt once again....or continue to be with someone who they know deep down has lost that feeling that once kept them attached to one another and have well.......just given up, now granted most of the reasons for doing so are cause the "once" two way street has turned into a one way and with the communication down to almost nothing, turns into a dead end.
Like I said signs are everywhere and I wonder what would you do if that moment in time happens where you meet your destiny head on and have a decision to make.............to stay or let love take control and be truly happy
Ever wondered when you want something you get what you needed instead?.....or when you need something you get what you wanted and you don't notice it (at the time) cause you feel what you could've done to deserve it......
But there are times when these worlds collide and the importance of both gets left out, cause we've been without what we wanted for so long, that's where things get a lil dangerous...cause the want overcomes the need to the point where common since will be thrown out of the window and pass on the good guy/girl for the one we know is just going to make it worse when it's all said and done, those who say they enjoy being single(though they'll never admit it) have been actually hating it (just not letting anyone else know about it). It's been said that when your not looking for (whatever) it finds you...but what if it finds you and it's not what you wanted or needed but you've been without for (too long) that you'll accept it....
Now I'm not saying that it's easy....hell I know from past experiences that the thing that you thought you wanted can turn out to be the thing you needed (in good and bad ways) and from that experience you learn a lesson to be careful what you wish for....cause YOU will get it and.....depending on what you wished for will or will not like it
This one will cause some of you to think a bit....
What is the meaning of this word we call friend?....I mean this is one of those words that changes it's definition from one person to another and I think some of us have forgotten the "real meaning" of the word itself, we've all had one or two of these people come into our lives and while some have stayed, others have gone by their own choice or being cast out by the person they befriended only to have that person regret that decision later. I'm no stranger to having people come and go in my life but like I said the meaning is different to other people, you got some who like to have lots of attention but never truly care about those that are in their circle, or the ones who keep to themselves keeping one or three friends at a distance so that they never get too close. Then there's the friend that most of are but change after every bad situation, some continue being that kind while others become one of the other two I mentioned earlier..........
But the kind of friend I am (and have always been) is the one that is called too caring or foolish cause I give my all each and every day leaving me drained at times but am always ready to be there,cause that's the kinda of guy I am, that friend who will fight with nothing left just because it's the right thing to do....now not everyone does this anymore that's why when someone like me comes around it's looked upon as scary, weak, or weird, but let me say that we fear what we don't understand and will be our undoing if that doesn't change. To me a friend is the type that is there for you and backs you up whether your right or wrong....and is not afraid to agree or disagree with you (even when you didn't want to hear what they had to say...;-) one who will know that we all get busy and not constantly hold it over your head every time you "do" talk to them, who knows when your hurting and just listens without saying too much to let you know that you have turned to the right place and makes them feel glad to have you in their lives, and even thought you hardly or don't talk to them much like you used to (due to you being really busy or having really hard times or just want to be away from it all for awhile) will always welcome you with open arms and is glad to hear from you. That last one is a role that I play often (and am happy to do so) cause now-a-days those who call themselves friends tend to leave you when they don't get paid attention to as much as they "think" they should but if your a friend of mine and we haven't talked in....(lets say more than a couple months) when you reemerge and others have "deleted you" from their lives I'll still be here, still your friend and most important, still by your side cause the bond that we have may have started as friends but has gone beyond that and became something more glorious that most will never understand..........it takes more than just being a good person to be a "true friend" it takes patience, kindness, and the determination that is not normally linked with the word friend..........
So you ask why I care so much?....to answer that one is one of those answers you'll never have a true answer to, but know that it's what you feel so to call myself a great friend...."true friend" is something that only the ones who know me to be there when no one else will can tell you that........I just go on knowing what I know and continuing to honor, and respect those who call me a friend, a F.R.I.E.N.D is Friends that are Readily Involved in our lives that Everybody Needs Daily
Throughout life we all have moments when we were faced with a chance that will change us forever which some of us take without hesitation......but on some occasions we need or get a push onto the next level by a force or situation that gets us over the threshold thus transforming us into the person that few see before the rest the world does........those pushers....or triggers (as I like to call them) do more than they ever realize by giving that confidence to go on and becoming extraordinary......so at this time I would like to thank my "triggers" (you know who you are....lol) ones that inspire me everyday to become truly something special................:)
Is it possible to have loved before, lose it, and never love again? after you have been single for as long as I have these thoughts creep in every so often and it makes me wonder......is there a reason why I can't find the one that will make me whole, someone who infuses me with happiness just by the sound of her voice?. How many times can one have love come around, it's been 10 years for me since I felt love as it should be (the kind of love that will never have an explanation it just is) was foreign to me and I rejected it (foolish I know) but at the time I was young and didn't know the things I know now. And since then the women I've met have come close to what I let slip through my fingers but it always fell apart, whether it be that I'd see something in them that when I was all wide-eyed didn't see before, or she "was interested" in the beginning but after a while become more distant. At first I felt like it was a curse that had been put on me by love to punish me for giving away a most beautiful, rare gift but now I see differently, over the past ten years I've watched how love can come from nowhere and effect even the hardest ones who have lost their belief in it and when it hits them, the rush of emotion that was locked away changes them into this new person.......I never knew this before and had I known it then I would still be with her.........that's why people get scared when one goes too fast and opens up to them making them (unintentionally) back away, either they have never experienced it, or they have a deeper cut than you and are not ready to jump back in. There were some close calls over the years with women who cared less of what was real and focused on the want........you would think after all this time I would give up and just settle for someone who showed me one out the three things that would let me know she's into me, but if I did that then I would've never learned anything from my exile. Love shouldn't be about settling for something that doesn't put you in a daze every time you're with that person.......rather it should be when you wake up everyday and still feel the same as you did when you first had met them.
I have been known for loving to much, but that's just me giving my all since I didn't do it the first time.....the next time I would make sure to not hold back and never do anything half-ass. Even worse when you have "friends" who are all up on fantasy and only see what's on the surface only to find out later that what they thought was "the one" turned out to so something so wrong but, are so proud that they'll never admit to you that they were wrong in high diving with no water at the bottom. So they continue to fight even when the answer has been right in front of them the whole time. I've learned that the more you fight love the harder it gets to stop yourself when you do start rolling, you had spent so much energy trying not to fall, so when you do you can't stop it, only to find out(all there was) is fools gold. So until this adventure is over I'll carry the title of Hopeless Romantic in hopes to once again accept the gift that was bestowed upon me all those years ago, this time doing things differently and sharing all the ideas and thoughts I have encountered. Now before you say but you shouldn't look cause it doesn't come to those who do........and in some ways you'd be right but I never said "who" I was looking for, instead looking past the surface to what's on the inside "I have lived in many houses but never a home"........in other words that feeling of total and complete joy is the most rarest of experiences one can have on this plane of existence.....my Nexus!!!
As things are forever changing certain things that used to be the norm are replaced by something that is nothing like the previous....hence changing times....but there are some things that once changed, the whole meaning, purpose is looked at differently.......case in point, it was once cool to be considered a Gentleman......meaning that being a gentleman, you actually paid attention to what your parents enshrined in you from the beginning and have brought that into your adulthood and have a great life.....respected and highly thought of. But these days the meaning and even feeling has changed where as you were still considered a man by expressing your feelings back then now even the slightest concern for anything (that's not money) will get you funny looks and your manhood questioned like all of a sudden just because you stop to care about somebody you don't really know your laughed at and called soft.....now don't get me wrong there are situations where being considerate gets taken advantage of by the very ones you try to help, but just because it's you, your labeled as a bleeding heart...........even now as some read this they have pretty much made up their minds and think of me as "whiny" and "crying" and those are the ones who always think "their way" is right and that if everyone else thought like that then things would be so simple. You see it's not just the men that get like that, now more than ever women think that being a nice guy is borderline gay and if they get with the guy then they'll do everything in their power to change him...make him harder, cause who wants to be with a soft guy right? but sometimes when that guy who is nice at first gets changed it backfires on the woman and then gets truly dark...I won't go there cause there will be those that say oh she deserved it or whatever but (and you can quote me on this) no man should ever have the right to raise his hand to a women ever, regardless if she provoked him or is heartless and cold....now I'm not saying sit there and take it but if she is trying to get a rise outta you then just leave her sight, just leave, cause the longer you stand there that anger will build up inside you and your life will take on a new, darker form which will only destroy you in the end, there will always be people both male and female who will challenge us but it takes a real man to stand up and respond (not by violence) but by showing courage and respect....and of course the willingness to swallow their ego so that a pissing contest never happens in the first place. Even after all of that some men are looked upon as weak and babyish. Now I've seen what happens when people have made up their minds about you without so much as going deeper and finding out more, but because times call for hardcore, we not only keep the traditions that were passed on by fathers who only learned that a good woman was an obedient woman but are teaching our kids of today the same things, that way of thinking (believe it or not) still is around due to the fact that the women are staying with these guys and take beatings in front of their kids not knowing that what they are witnessing is that dangerous cycle continuing.......but there is a bright side to this some of the ones who get it in their heads not to go that route and break that cycle, cause it's not who they want to emulate when they grow up.........now something about me that most of you don't know I am one of those kids, never knowing my father (couldn't even tell you what he looks like) and seeing not only my mother go through hell and back but my neighbors, aunts, friends...you name it. I grew up really quick when it came to men and women and I never wanted to become a monster, I feel you can get your point across without raising your voice in a calm and cool manner...and people will respect you for not blowing your top...but as I said before there will always be people who thrive on conflict and will not rest till they see you blow up....I've had many try....hell and I'm sure they'll keep trying but you wouldn't believe the amount it takes to turn my smile into a frown, but the fact I never showed them what they wanted made them look at me as half a man, or not good enough and left for somebody else...only to realize that what they had with me was extremely rare and won't happen again. If you took a survey of a hundred women and ask them what they look for in a man you'll hear things like stable, career-oriented, good father to his kids, but the one you'll hear most is a man that's not weak or what is more commonly know as thug, or gangster and that's fine but for a min let's see what that word truly means shall we? a thug is defined as a cruel, ruffian, a hoodlum...to me that means you can't be a thug and call yourself a family man?.......being cruel means that you care about nothing not even yourself....now there are small instances where a person stops being a thug once he finds that right person and has a child of his own.....but you also got the ones that have lots of kids and still claim to be....but you can't be a thug and be there for your kids....either you are or you aren't no if, ands, or buts about it, ones that see what they hold in their hands is the future and realize the job they have to do is what a real man is all about......"Real men" don't boast, brag, or gloat....."Real men" do without recognition
and lead by example, cause the term "Real man" has also lost it's true meaning to some who never knew a real man only these lil boys who want to be a man soo bad that when they are one they wish to be lil boys again making things worse cause now you got two types of kids the grown kind and the lil kind.........
Now the day I have children they will hear tales of their dad who has seen the error of his male influences and took a stand to change them not only for his benefit but for his kids as well and that should I have sons, I will teach them that being a gentleman is not weak, whiny, or emo but it is a symbol, a badge of honor that makes the person hold their head up high and can be looked upon with integrity, respect and confidence. Those who think gentlemen are a dying breed know this we are still out there and one day when the world is ready for us to return to the mainstream we will, but until then we'll watch, observe, and teach those who will listen to be something they will be proud of and not what the world expects them to be, cause there is still a world where it's ok to care for a stranger whom we hardly know and help her after everyone else thinks she's not worth looking at, much less helping, the person you help today will be there for you when you need a hand. And to the closed-minded people who read this...(or didn't even bother) just because one shows that he cares doesn't mean he's weak instead of judging maybe you can learn a thing or two and not get talked about by people who do something with their lives....males and females alike who take my kindness for softness are sadly missing out on what it means to be truly compassionate and that one out of ten of people who have feelings know that caring and compassionate people are more sought after than a person who only wants to get as much they can for themselves anyday...............
To be Concluded
What makes us attracted to one another? is it the look of their eyes when they look into ours?, the way they look at us everyday like the first time? (you know lighting up like a christmas tree), or the way their beautiful, long (past the waist),dark hair looks that always gets my....our attention when it's down and wet.......(careful)
Whatever the feeling is it's indescribable to those who have never been through it, having felt this many times it still gives me chicken skin (goose bumps) when it does happen....... not all of those situations go the way we want them to, the girl or guy could be with someone and on the surface could look happy, but upon further learning, you find out that it was just what I like to call "surface happiness" and that things at home couldn't be happier. But after talking and hanging around them for a while you find that feeling you got when you first saw them wasn't just on the surface it's deeper so deep in fact that every time you talk to them or are around them you are completely and utterly under their power (they just don't know it yet) and it's takes time for you to realize that, then that's when you think they are with somebody but can't (at least at the moment) express it back to you whether it's because of the kids they have together....or something else, none the less your feelings will make a mind of their own no matter how much you fight it (try as you might) you clearly had no chance though your intentions were to respect the life they had before you at first, you now find yourself wishing for them to be with you, so till that day happens you try to go out and "have fun" with others but once someone truly catches your attention you will have fun but not at the level that you're used to.........Now-a-days relationships have soo many different meanings that it's hard to figure out what anyone is anymore the things we are willing to put up with just to feel a small measure of joy, happiness, whatever. But often times when we're on cloud 9 we tend to miss out on the things around us........in this case the people who are single and have been really good friends to us (cool people) but never seem to get thought about in the way they see the one who makes their heart skip-a-beat.......but for the guys and girls who continue to hold on to the hope that one day we can be looked at the same way, our time will come I promise but it will come when the time is right, having been on both sides of this I know, but I also know that the haves tend not to care about the have-nots and telling me that I'm looking too hard, and when I don't that's when that person will come, doesn't hold much weight when you have two or three people who are around you (that are interested in you) were as I have none and keep avoiding the wrong ones, cause who wants to settle with someone who shows us affection when it's convenient for them? Being around someone who makes you feel things like no other only to have them respond to someone else makes it seem hopeless and if you were to have that one chance.....(just one) would make your year but alas we continue being the "bestie" or "brother"/"sister" as all hopeless romantics become.....................
To be continued..............
As I approach an important time in my life I look back at my life and what it has shown me and if I truly learned anything.......over the course of my life the lessons and experiences I've had taught me some things that made me aware of the world around me and of the people in it........do you remember ten years ago?...me I can still remember what was going on at that time.....I had just graduated from high school and was enjoying the fact that I had got my diploma after years of pursuing it (moved around so much thought I wasn't going to get it) and I met someone who I loved....but didn't know I loved (feel me?) but in the crossroads up ahead there was a path I was supposed to take but instead I took the one I was less afraid of and it really didn't hit me till a few months later when the day I get her letter and it hits me (right where I hit myself in the head when I saw the letter from her).........I was afraid...of what? afraid that it was too early for me to think about being with just one person, afraid of letting someone that was already in leave me to the point where I would be destroyed....(member I was almost 20)......and on that day I made a change to be honest and fearless with the choices I make in life..........
Now it's ten years later and the epiphany I had has let me experience things that I wouldn't get to do if I was afraid.....not saying it was all rainbows, there have been cloudy days but when a storm comes you either do 1 of 2 things....pull over on the side of the road and wait for the storm to pass or you could continue to push through the storm and notice that the more you push the path that was not visible in front of you is now there....another thing......I realized I was afraid to let go which is why I had a hard time moving on (even after I met the son that should've been mine).......eventually I moved on (taking some things with me for prospective) I had to let go cause it wouldn't be fair to the one who is out there for my heart to have someone else occupying it
And now-a-days my close friends are struggling to let go I see it everyday whether it be walking away from someone who you know in your heart is not meant to be with you but you stay anyway continuing to be unhappy....or when the other person has moved on and you still find yourself wishing that they would come back....but in reality there not coming back........So I got to thinking if someone older who went through something similar would've told me this ten years ago I would of taken some time to truly think about it cause at the time of me making that left turn there was nobody to talk to about these things and I made the choice on my own.......(which lets be honest) alot of us make but in this case you got someone who cares about your well-being and is willing to stop you from going down the wrong path............In other words if you knew someone who broke every bone in their body from jumping off a tall building knowing the pain they will go through for the rest of their lives.....why would you jump off the same building? do you think the results will be the same?????,doesn't have to be, just cause your afraid of the unknown doesn't mean that you'll be safe taking the easy way out....in any situation. What are we afraid of really? being alone........if we keep shutting people out that will come on it's own......feeling embarrassed...huh (we're our own worst enemy).....or the one that always gets me no one else understands...... if you have good people....true people in your life you'll never have to wonder about those things or be alone........no matter how old they are....lol
