I mentioned that I may have a few more entries to post and well...there should be no surprise. And as no surprise, fubar doesn't want to play nice so this entry will be a jumbled mess with no paragraph breaks. I apologize now in advance. It seems like I may just continue typing til the next day comes, which would make sense to the title of this entry. lol You know, I'm usually not one that's all that great on expressing myself. Well, I do, but not on the emotional level as much or as often as I should. It's a downfall of mine that I work to correct as I type. My actions haven't been the best either, but when you're near a deployment, what's the best or the right thing to do??? It wrecks my head sometimes...Call it the proverbial internal fight or conflict. So now...I gradually place my cards down on the table, curious on how they will pan out, but I can't expect what I hope for. I'm willing to take the risks. For once, I'm willing to. I don't feel like I have to and am glad of that too. Feeling like you HAVE to do something rather than WANTING to do something has never been my forte. It's a quick 180 for me...because that's not what it's about. At least that's not what it is to me. Sometimes a coax or hint is good, but that's about it. A lot of it is that I don't always read the signs given to me and it's not that I'm ignoring them by any means, but some I want to pick up on and run with them because I'm not wanting to walk away soo easily. Not this time...So for the next few days, leading up to the next few months will be interesting as well as challenging. How determined will I be, will I let things slip through my grasp like I had soo many times before or will I have put too much of an effort to make something work and have it backfire??? Am I nuts for willing to put it out there to have that potentially happen? You're damn right I am!!! Some people are worth taking chances, risks and putting things on the line for. It doesn't matter if it's your emotions, your sanity or anything for that matter. If someone you think is worth it, then jump in the water with both feet and swim. It may take a little bit to get back to the surface, but you eventually will. And you're either going to surface feeling like a million bucks or you'll be able to sit down, reflect and think that it was worth every moment you spent, because you only get one chance...If a second one happens, then God is definitely on your side looking out for your best interest. Just like my deployment...ok, I volunteered for the first one and I did it again for this one coming up, but I'm a soldier and have been for the last 16+ years. One day I won't be, I'll be retired, but I know that everything that I've done was for a reason that I wouldn't regret no matter how rotten it got. This is a new year and I'm doing my best to take that same approach in a different way. I don't think about the what-ifs while I'm over there concerning myself...Faith, trust and loyalty is my guide both professionally and personally in my life. I know that trust is probably the hardest one of those all, but you know what? It's there...all I ask in return if those values exist in others...have faith, trust your instincts or "gut" feelings and knowing with those two entact that your side won't be left unguarded (if that is a word)...And can you believe it? I finished this on the new day. lol Ok, don't act all surprised. You knew I was planning on making that happen.
