It really wasn't that bad...Nothing like staying up late and trying to sleep in knowing that you can't because of the things you have to do. Those just happened to be one of those days to where there were people to call before lunch and I didn't get to hear what I wanted. Well, part of it I didn't want to hear. lol I called my unit here and was inquiring about my departure date and my mobilization station prior to my deployment, since it was supposed to be next month. YEAH, SUPPOSED TO BE...well, it has been pushed back another month due to them having a large workload to contend with. The good part about it though, I'm not going to be freezing my butt off in Jersey. :-) I'll be in the south for it and that makes me feel ohhh sooo much better.
The thing that makes this all that much more difficult to deal with is that I'm not having the communication that I'm wanting or needing. You know who you are if you have read this. Being pushed away from the fact I'm leaving sucks...I know that I accepted the opportunity for deployment, but the reaction I got took me back a few steps and it hasn't gotten better, but worse. I feel like I talk to myself most of the time when it comes to this. I know that people protect themselves from getting hurt more than what they already anticipate happening, but this goes both ways. I wanted to get closer, but I know it's not fair, but I wanted to sustain, maintain what I already had/have and that is slipping past and not because I want it to, but because it's a protective measure from her. I mean honestly...what can I do now? Just keep trying to maintain and hope that it works for the best? Works its way into the right direction? We shall see...There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and it's always there within my grasp, but just far enough away that it's out of reach. Does that make sense at all? I know that things are said for a reason and I may not always like what I've heard, especially even dealing with the Army, but it's not always a bad thing and keeps my mind strong, when other bits of me are weak or stressed.
I'm a little more positive at the moment, despite on what's going on in my life right now...I'll keep my head above the water, I always do, even if it's by a thread. Just keep smiling, I think to myself...
