The events of this morning, typed out quickly. Pardon my horrible writing:
I was in the shower, just about to rinse the shampoo out of my hair when motion to my right caught my eye. I turned to see a ferocious looking hairy spider hanging from the top of the window peeping at me. A peeping spider! With its legs this thing was about the size of my palm. I continued, nervously, to rinse my hair while making sure to periodically check on the little pervert.
It slowly came down the window as I was finishing rinsing my hair, now within 2 feet of me. I expected it to go the other way because of the “rain” it was heading into, but it continued to inch closer and closer. Now slightly creeped out, and somewhat embarrassed because it was staring at me naked. I decided to go ahead and scrub the rest of me. As I began to soap up it actually made a quick move toward me! But the crazed pervy arachnid made one critical error.
The shower spray caught it and washed it into the tub, 8 furry legs of fury then trying desperately to escape this 3 inch deep man made lake. I continued to scrub while keeping a constant eye on my adversary, but revised my plan when it began to get closer. So there I am, quickly trying to scrub the key areas while thinking of George Carlin’s bit about the areas that MUST be cleaned daily (armpits, asshole, crotch, and teeth). As I began the embarrassing process of making sure my mooning instrument was properly sanitary, an evil mixture of current and eight legs, like a row boating team, came right for me.
With the terrifying thought of a pissed off perverted spider climbing up my leg, I quickly retreated out of the tub. Standing there outside the tub, cold, wet, and dripping soap I rejoiced in my triumphant escape. Despite the puddle I created on the floor. I soon stepped back in the tub at the other end to rid myself of all that soap, feeling sad for my former enemy as it was stuck, legs spread, on the drain underwater. Since it was a sexual offender spider I decided to give it one last thrill, as I turned my back to it and bent over to rinse the soap from my bum.
:P
