BridgetDNae's blog: "Crash and Burn"

i have terrible luck with men. i pick the wrong ones to go for. i think i'm out to sabbatage myself. i think i on purpose go for men who are not capable of telling the truth, who can't care about anything but themselves and getting laid, i go for people that i know have no intention of being in it for the duration. i think i do it because i'm scared to death of getting close to someone again...i was wicked hurt by the one man that i could honestly say i was in love with. every since then, i just don't trust anyone. i would like to. i would love for someone to prove me wrong, but, that's gonna be hard because i automatically assume that whatever poetry and prose comes out of a man's mouth is complete and utter bullshit.
i met someone not too far back that i thought "wow. this person is entirely different than what i'm usually attracted  to. don't be an ass...give him a try." bad fucking idea. he's just like everyone else. talks a damn good game, but, it's words and that's all. it's another rat race to see if he can get into my pants. which, ok...fine....i'm a nympho, i can roll with that. but, fuck...be up front about it. there's where i get really annoyed. you just wanna talk freaky, kinky shit and not really give a damn about who i am, cool. like i said, i can roll with that. hell...i'd make it more fun. if i knew that there was never a chance of anything else going on, i'd totally make up a whole new persona each time we spoke to each other. i'd pretend to be whoever you wanted me to pretend to be!! just don't let me tell you anything truthful and personal about me when you don't really want to know it. don't tell me about all the wonderful things you can do and how good of a person you are just so i'll sleep with you. if that's all you want, and i don't have to have too many sedatives or alcohol to get freaky with you, then, say so, bring it on and let's get the party started. i'm not a whore or slut or anything like that. but, i'm tired of getting attached to people only to have them use, abuse and then refuse me. i'm just tired of getting hurt and not having anybody who fucking knows me as me, myself and i. fuckit.