So it seems I have been crushed yet again by someone who I thought truly loved me. It actually happened 2 months ago, well in reality I was only told a month ago but they knew 2 months ago after giving me the cliche "break" bullshit line, ya to make it hurt less because we all know how well that works. The thing that hurts me the most is that I was rejected me. I wasn't good enough for someone who never deserved someone as good as me, I can get better but I guess I settled just so I wasn't alone and I convinced myself he was some great catch and now I see how stupid I was. The way it all went down was worse, it was like I was nothing more to him than some drunken one night stand or a mistake. He couldn't face me or even call he hid for a month and then did it on fucking myspace, how did i deserve that in anyway??? I think the worse part is I'm swimming around in a dating limbo, I mean there are some guys I am talking to but I don't know if it will ever add up to anything and he is already in love w/ someone new. I know I'm not perfect but I'm smart and I'm pretty and I try to treat the guys I am w/ well (I actually supported this winners ass the whole time) and I have goals and I get almost nothing good and lots of options to settle on and someone that acts at least 6 years younger than he is gets love and happiness. I'm so tired of this bs roller coaster in love, it just makes me feel like I'm not even worth someone that many ppl feel never deserved me, nothing worse than being hurt by someone beneath you. On top of this bull shit a few of my friends became his friends and they still hang out often and it hurts, I have tried to let them know and we have gotten into fights but I don't know what else to do. I can't force them not to hang out w/ someone who is now their friend but I just can't understand why you can be near someone who treated me like nothing and be ok with it. They took his side all the time when we were still together and now they can chill w/ him and it doesn't seem to matter what he did to me, its like it never happened, and for a long time I felt really betrayed but I don't know how I feel anymore. I know they love me and don't do it to hurt me and would always pick me over him if they had to but I can't help being hurt, I've done everything I know. I've told them and it ends up in a spat and I don't want that, we never really argued before this and it sucks. I don't want them to feel bad, I just want to understand how it doesn't bother them at all.......
"Hostage Of Love"
You make yourself a prisoner of me
You blind yourself so you don't have to see
You turn your life to a power above
You make yourself a hostage of love
You turn from me, you turn from the strain
Devote yourself to the power again
Distance yourself from all that we vowed
You broke those rules, you're my hostage now
I am a sinner and I am a saint
I am a devil, I am a ghost at the wake
God feed the swell and pull of your tears as they break
I am the limit of the load you can take
You are the pulley and I am the winch
I am salvation and you're herald of sin
I'll take you beyond your limits of trust
Ransom yourself, hostage of love
You see we've been born again
Since you've slept there in that lion's den, den
You can not be saved
You gave your innocence away, ohh
I've turned my cheek and I've suffered the blow
Truth of my story is widely unknown
Word of derision, I have swallowed with a smile
For telling my story I have been crucified
Now like a mad man, I give my laurels to you
Like a hero, forsake my trophies for you
No where disciple of this devil that is in the blood
Am I not also your hostage of love?
You see we've all been born again
Since you've slept there in that lion's den, den
You can not be turned
Until your innocence is old
And you seek out to live alone
Though it hurts to make it on your own, own
You cannot be saved
You gave your innocence away, ohh
You will be made a hostage of love
Hostage of love, hostage of love
