Greetings, obscure body secretions, and welcome to HackFest, FuBar's best in mental destruction. The name's Law, and if you ask me a second time, I'll probably punch you in the capillaries like a minja.
Many of you devoted fans, and I doubt I have that many, have probably noticed that I haven't posted in a while. This is due to two things. One, I do actually happen to have a little something called a LIFE, and so I actually have obligations. Second is much more obvious: I don't have that many devoted fans. No problem for me, because that's a good reason to not be as frequent. Well, I'm here now, so just be satisfied and read, damnit. I'm here for your entertainment. Well...that and your stereo.
Tonight's topic will be one of my favorite people in the entire world, and by that I mean for target practice. That person is Rush Limbaugh.
Now, granted, I am a firm believer in the freedom of speech we so diligently uphold in this fine country of ours. I'm elated that one such as Rush uses it frequently. However, I am also a firm believer that those that open their freakin' mouths should have something actually meaningful to say. In Mr. Limbaugh's case, all he has really done is show me how much I would love to kill some people.
Originally, I had the minimum respect for Rush. I mean, I wasn't above feeding him to a rabid wolverine, but only if he did something to really annoy me, like eat my cookies or sleep with my wife. Lately, however, he has made my hit list simply for the fact that the crap he has said has been a complete anti-thesis. Allow me to go a little further.
You see, Rush wants Obama's policies to fail. At first, he states that he wanted OBAMA to fail. Now, it says something to one's character if he can insult the leader of the free world and still be able to walk. Furthermore, he is what you call a radical conservative Republican. These people honestly believe that the rich should stay rich, and the poor should kick rocks. This is incorrect.
To Rush, I say this: I hope one day, while consuming your favorite diet of unborn children and baby seal steaks, that you choke, causing you to fall out of a 30-story building and land on a large Iraqi suicide bomber just before he explodes, but not before going through the blades of an oncoming and rising helicopter. It is a privelege for most human beings to think before saying something, and you, sir, obviously do not use the logic center of your brain to do so. I suggest doing so, or if you feel this task is too great, I offer my services as an assistant in your honorable suicide. It's either that, Rush, or I send an enraged Rosie O'Donnell, completely hyped up on PCP and whiskey, into your posh little penthouse with the firmly planted idea that your cranial regions hold the secret for the greatest lesbian sex in her life. Seriously, start thinking about the freakin' working class, you elitist pig-humper! You make more money than most of us, and at least we have a president trying to fix the mess your Republican D-Student made! Shut the hell up or have your tongue removed, you fat neo-Nazi ingrate!
Okay, I'm finished and completely armored from head to toe in Kevlar. I'm ready for the conservative hate-mail/assassination attempts. I just hope they send Angelina Jolie clones this time. I need boobs-in-face time before I die.
Should I survive the onslaught, be sure to read the next installment or be eternally sodomized by clones of Boy George. Ta.
