TiTaNiUm BuTtErFlY's blog: "Twisted and Broken"

Not asleep but not awake...

Your like a transparent scene laying over  my reality..

As I walk through my day randomly

You showing up whenever you feel to.

I feel flush and my heart beats fast,

I feel a weight on my chest.

I cant breath and I sweat,

I loose time even though it passes by in slow motion.

I relive every second........ with you.

I used to fear you and when we would meet again,

When the next time you would show......

But now I have learned my strength and you how no hold on me..

Now its me who has control...

PTSD........ you are my best friend.

I expect you in my dreams, to wake me when I sleep.

I expect me when I'm out in town or walking down the street..

Or just in a store or alone just me....

I expect you to visit,

Unanounced..

What would I do without you......

PTSD your my best friend.

I would have my anxiety without you,

My panic attacks and the stress..

I wouldnt check my doors half as much ...

Or stay at home as often,

Dont forget antisocial....

Your have given me so many gifts and I have learned to cope with you.

I finally learned how to live and at least I'm not a mess.

I can not be ashamed by you I'm not emberassed ...

I can say it out loud.

I dont have to hide you I am who I am even when you are here...

even when you visit.............

I am me...... with PTSD.....

Titanium Butterfly