for those of you who know, u know i have some problems. a few of you know that it was apperant yesterday when i got home from school. WARNING: i plan to use my blog as a journal so it's just a warning for those of you who think it has anything written of importance.
anyway, so yesterday was one of the worst days ever at school. on top of being sick (i have been sick since friday and have had a fever everyday this week), i had three tests in my calculus class, in my earth and space science class, and a retake of a calculus test that i got a 24 on. it was block day so the classes are double long but we only have 3 out of the 6 periods (wednesday is periods 1-3-5, and thursdays is periods 2-4-6).
well the people who gave me my schedule messed me up and put me in spanish 4 from 3 years of a spanish four levels higher and they made me take a placement test to get into a higher spanish which is during classes i dont wanna switch. i decided i was gonna drop but then they decided to call a meeting wit me and my parents to decide wat to do. i was late (senior class photos) and all through the meeting it felt like everyone was against wat i wanted, which was to drop the class. the college counselor even came into the meeting and watched me and said "you look very grave" when i was on the verge of cryin cuz i was so frustrated and i couldnt open my mouth to speak or i'd break down crying. i lied and told her i felt like shit cuz i'd been sick. my mom gave me two tylenol after i told her i had thrown the ones in my lunch away wit the rest of my luch since the retake test had taken so long and i had had only 5 min to eat. the college counselor told me to think about being a teacher's aide in spanish (because colleges dont want kids to have a study hall in their scedules their senior yrs cuz it looks like they'r takin a vacation).
they let me go and i walked across the school grounds to my musical theater class (of which i had missed half of cuz of the meeting). i had, of course, lied to my mom about throwing out the tylenol she gave me and i pulled it out of my sweatshirt pocket and popped the two in the bag. most of the people in the musical class are my friends and one of them noticed something was wrong cuz she came up and hugged me and wouldnt let me go when we had a 7 minute break (when i walked in i had to sing and try not to cry at the same time).
school let out and my friend zack and i carpool so he drove me home and we ranted about how crappy the day had been. my dad answered the door and i stormed up to my room (i was mad at my parents too) and talked to my friends online.
thank god for my friends or else i wouldnt have been able to walk away from yesterday with my life and only a small cut. i was thinkin about my future as being nothing. i erased my hopes for college, for kids, for a love of my life and decided to face my fear of dying alone in my room. thnx to the people who cared for me enough to help me see that takin my life wasnt worth one day of a bad school day.
to them...thank you.
~ace~
