PTBA111's blog: "When it crosses the line..."

When it crosses the line from being upset and feeling a certain way about things to harassment, slander, liable, and defamation of character, then enough is enough.

We can appreciate the feelings that people have and why they may feel that way, but what people don’t seem to understand is that you may not attack, smear, or launch campaigns against people in order to make yourself feel better, especially if what your doing is for yourself and not for those whom you proclaim to be advocating for.

Those of you who know us know that just over two years ago, we inherited a few new members to our family. We were asked to take in 3 children; first and foremost so that the situation that was playing itself out did not result in the children going into the system.

It is well documented that we were asked to take these children in. Once again due to the situation that was playing itself out, once the children arrived and events transpired, it was apparent that these children would be here for awhile. This meant we would need to provide for them medically, emotionally, socially, academically, etc. To do this it was necessary to obtain an Order of Guardianship. Multiple people at various times explained and notified the parents that this was going to need to happen, and we went to Family Court and filed the paperwork and were granted a Temporary Order that same day. The granting of this order was based on the written documentation we had from the parents and a brief explanation of what led the children into our care. A new court date was set so that the case for the actual Order of Guardianship could be heard and in the interim the parents were served with the Temporary Order and all the paperwork for the upcoming court date. With this temporary order we were able to enroll the children in school, and obtain a primary care pediatrician.

The court date arrived and all parties present were ready to be heard. Although the parents were provided with the date, time and judge for when the hearing was, and they were encouraged in the paperwork from the court they received to appear or if that was not an option, they could call-in to the court; neither parent seized the opportunity to do either. As a result of the written documentation, the questions that the judge had for us, the fact that the parents were paying “child support”, and the parents not appearing/calling, we were granted a standing Order of Guardianship.

Now that the children had been with us for some time, and based on advice from the courts, school, and our own observations, we felt it important to enroll the children in counseling.

After a few months of the children being here, the parents had separated and have remained separated since, overall and through it all, everything remained relatively amicable with phone calls to the children, emails, presents, letters, pictures, etc. The father sent child support weekly and we seemed to be working toward the best interest of the children. This all changed around the end of May. Although there have always been some ups and downs with the parents, it has never been to this level.

Recently, the father has launched a public campaign to slander us, made veiled threats and false allegations against us. He has recently begun to use myYearbook.com as his forum to launch a smear campaign against us. He has accused us of abduction, kidnapping and wished ill and made veiled threats. When this initially started, he was confronted by us about whether or not he was serious about this and did he really want to proceed with this in this manner. He responded claiming we were verbally harassing him and blocked any and all family from his online pages and stopped answering phone calls from family, but he blocked us so he could continue his smear campaign without us seeing, not because we were verbally harassing him. His messages, comments, etc. are veiled with threats and his allegations can legally be proven to be untrue since we do have guardianship and it has been more than two years that the children first came to reside with us, and his messages about us to people who can view his page are hateful. This campaign has been taken to the extreme where there was enough documented that a police report was able to be made. His last attempt at smearing us was a petition that he posted on ipetition.com. He is proposing that laws be instituted and that we be brought to justice and be given a "natural life sentence" for our "crimes" (although we understand the process of making a law and know that this is just another attempt to harass us). In this petition he has made some new accusations against us. He is now added abuse and accused us of "terrorist attacks" against him.

His behavior seems to be escalating and due to his history of alcohol and drug abuse, his anger management problems and the instability that goes hand-in-hand with his history of problems, this causes concern. Since this started a couple of months ago, and due to his escalating behaviors it became necessary to notify him that for all parties involved and for the emotional and mental health of the children, we would be suspending all contact with him. He has now stopped his child support and it has become necessary to file against him in court.

This onslaught of abuse from him is enough. He has put this out there and it has gotten to a level that we feel it is time for our side to be heard. Here are some published as well as some private points to ponder:

1. "MAKE IT LAW THAT A COURT MUST CONTACT THE BIOLOGICAL PARENTS" - Both parents were provided an option to call in to the court during the proceedings. Neither did.
2. "THEY IN FILING STRIPPED ME OF CUSTODIAL RIGHTS AS WELL AS MY WIFE" – Yes, custodial rights, in the form of the Order of Guardianship unless it goes back to court, for lack of better words-belong to us. I think what he is trying to say is Parental Rights. Parental Rights currently remain intact.
3. "DENIED ME ACCESS TO SEE THEM AND FICTITIOUSLY CREATE ALLEGATIONS  ECT !" and "WHEN I BRING UP MY RIGHTS
   AS A PARENT, I WAS SIMPLY RETALIATED AGAINST WITH A LONG FALSE ALIGATION" – We never denied him seeing them as a matter of fact, he wanted to come summer 2009 with a woman, when we told him he could not bring this Jennifer with him whom he stated was his soul mate and true love, we never heard another word about him coming. Second - He has never cited any parental rights and we did not retaliate with any long false allegations. Most "allegations" were spoken of by his own children to the Social Worker and counselors and the psychologists, additionally we now have documentation from drs. that only furthers the truth behind these “allegations” and we only tried to talk to him about them.

He also is suggesting some pretty serious stuff - again, to cite a couple:

1. "IF A PERSON LIKE MY SELF CONTACTS A LAW ENFORCEMENT PRECINCT THERE IS A LAW THAT WILL BE ABLE TO GET CHILDREN
   REMOVED FROM ACCUSED PERPETRATORS RESIDENCE AND MOVED TO SAFE PLACE TILL A RESOLVE BE MADE !" - Is this really what he wants? Does he know what he is saying? Let me break it down - If his proposed law were to go into effect and this were to happen the children would potentially be taken from us, put into the foster care system here in New York for how long? Months?? Years??
2. "ABUSE AND TERRORIST ATTACKS LIKE I HAVE RECEIVED OF THIS ORDEAL, AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE ABUSE THERE PUTTING MY KIDS THROUGH." - In today's day and age, these are some VERY strong accusations. Again, I don't think he is thinking about if he continues this, what could happen to the girls and where they might end up. Or the position he is potentially putting himself into by making these allegations.

Some more things that we do have in writing and on tape would further contradict these statements as well as others that have been made-here are just a few:

• Mar. 15^th 2009 via email – “i am verry overwelmed and yet overjoyed im verry thankfull for what all u are doing there for the girls my props and much praise it really means alot to me” & “this is awesom guys i love yous ,my god im so happy for them babies and for all ur doing ,i dnt know how to ever repay it my heart breaks here”
• Mar. 22^nd, 2009 via IMing – “i am vry thankfull girl are gettin help and support there” & “is awesom hugs u and **** thanks yous from bottom of my heart”
• Mar. 29^th, 2009 via email – “hugs ty ***** girls look great thank yous all for all u r doing 4 them”
• April 26^th, 2009 via email – “i thank yous for all the awesom time and effort as well as love and care yous have so helped and done for the girls ,it hurts m,y heart wondering how i can ever repay it .i love you all ty for all and everything”
• May 3^rd, 2009 via email – “appreciate all yous are doing there for the girls as always it really means alot to me”
• Oct. 19, 2009 via email – “if yous need somthing call damnit if i can help i will asap”

The mother: Again as I stated, there have always been ups and downs with the parents, but if you take the mother at face value, she has to-date anyway, stated that the children are where they need to be. She claims to be supportive of us over the last couple of years and again, her statements – both in writing and on tape- would contradict the father and be in support of us and the children-here is the most recent and strongest:

• July 19^th, 2010 via email – “I love them miss them every day but have known for a long time that I could not give them what they needed or wanted….I do NOT agree with what he is doing and never have.. the reason I left him was because of the abusive behavior and the drugs and alcohol he was subjecting his family to…I support you 100% in stopping him from abusing anyone and that is all he is doing is abusing his family!”

My question to people and anyone that may fall for and support these rants and postings – Does any of this sound like a kidnapping or abduction? There are always two sides to a story. Have his rights been stripped? How can one person be so thankful one minute and launch such a nasty smear campaign the next?

Well, although I have said a lot, it really is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. We have not spoken of the impact on us and our extended family, the girls both the maternal and paternal’s extended family – emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc. Nor have we discussed how grandparents (all surviving maternal and paternal) have visited and been in contact, aunts and uncles are also in constant contact, etc. We are very open and willing to answer questions and defend our position as well as protect the well-being of the children. Now, with further information available to you all, we hope that you all have a better understanding of the situation and remember that if something doesn’t sound right, there is probably more to it. Get all of the information before forming an opinion to ensure you have chosen the side that makes you most comfortable. And if you have any other doubts, or questions, please contact us, we are willing to tell our story.