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Before war, I only knew of the pain my heart endured, but with all that I know now, I know just how less painful it was while you were gone during the war and just how more pain my heart endured after war. I, a mistress to him being married to the military was the easiest part of my journey and with the twisting of paths we remained best friends and as the journey progressed with its never ending of winding roads, somewhere between war and peace I became your enemy.
I never ever processed why it was you brought that war home with you. I never gathered my sources as to why I have become that war. What it was that I did wrong or why I wasn't worthy of your forgiveness, for I had forgiven so many things. I cannot seem to pinpoint why it is I am continually punished by being robbed of my happiness. It was painful enough to watch you fade from my life that my core cannot be shattered by you anymore.
Five years ago, I was mesmorized by a face, comsuming his beauty, his purity, his constant need for guidance, love and care. I studied the depths of his cerulean eyes as he tearlessly cried for taking him out of the only place he knew of that was safe, warm and peaceful. Finding his own identity, establishing a relationship with himself and a lifetime journey of perfecting his personality. The confusion he must've felt, the sadness he must've endured and the fear in which he was now consumed with, because his journey did not start within my womb, it started the moment he was given to me.
The bond a mother has for her child can neither be created nor completely destroyed. It is given. And one must earn it, it is not automatic and its recipe is made with trust, tolerance, guidance, love and above all else, sacrifice.
If you have completely sacrificed yourself, be it to another human being or war, you create a bond with it and it is hard to break that bond even if you are forced to be free of it.
War defeats one thing, the intolerance of intolerant its only cure is to be tolerant of the intolerant. A mother's bond with her child is a lot like a soldiers bond to its country and you just can't break free from it, because the bond was given through trust, tolerance, guidance, love and above all else, sacrifice.
