i know i can never unknow i hate the fact that my sister crawls up her boyfriends ass! its wrong its wrong how she wont do anything with out him how he always has to be there glued to her damn hip... and i am the asshole for wanting someone? fuck..... i have always been alone for a long time because i was ugly and flat out i WAS! now im coming into everything and i dont know what to do i never had a fboyfriend .. okay Cliff but lets face it he lived far and still dumped my ass..... and seth the closest thing i have had.... doesnt really want me any way hurts me with his words talks about the girls he has been with and how hot that girl is and this one.... all i wanna to do is cry. i feel this snse of emptyness and staying here in cali isnt working... it really isnt i mean come on now! no one calls me i cant get a job... and as soon as things go wrong who do i go back to? this life is killing me... it makes me crazy to why after all this shit i still see him as something... is it because im usuing him... and because there is so many years involved the only way it works is if i get the validation that YES he thinks ur this this and this.... u know i fuck everything up too.. i raelly liked lee thought he was chill as hell but NO jenn has to go and be all jenn and now he wont talk to her ... cliff broke up with her and all she is left with is seth who treats her like what she is..... everyone says i desereve better well where is the better huh? ud think after this long id fine at least something.... no wait they all leave. becaues they realize im not better.... yes i hate myself u dont like reading it then dont...i just wish it would all stop already.....i wish i knew what i did wrong... so i could fix it...
