pancakes...some people find them to be elegant, delightful, fluffy pieces of morning gourmet pleasantness....when they think of pancakes, they think of warm, lovely goodness covered in tasty maple syrup....when i think of pancakes, however, all i see is death.
you see, friends, pancakes are a deceptive group of creatures. their fluffiness makes them seem harmless...but they're very deadly...very, very deadly. i've seen one snap an old woman's neck before...no lie. anyway, it's not hard to see how deadly pancakes are when you notice that they very much resemble these creatures...
that's right....pancakes and stingrays are one and the same. need proof? the proof is right here...
that's right....stingrays float around in the watery wilderness with butter and maple syrup on their backs. that's photographic proof right there....not photoshopped, not touched up...nothing. stingrays equal pancakes...plain and simple.
stingrays, of course, are like the grim reapers of the animal kingdom...about six-hundred and seventy-three gajillion people die each year from stingray and/or pancake related deaths....actually, let's not say stingray and/or pancake....they're the same, so let us create a term the unify the two together as one....i'm thinking panrays....or stingcakes....yeah...stingcakes. stay away from those stingcakes.
of course, mr. steve irwin perished recently from a stingcake death. people say it was unprovoked...i, however, think otherwise....mr. irwin may not have physically provoked the stingcake, however, the stingcake was jealous of the crocodile hunter. a stingcake jealous of an australian madman, you say? indeed, i do say...and let me explain why i say it.
steve irwin often said "crikey." crikey, of course, is australian for the term "radical." if you don't believe me, go say crikey to some australians...they'll think you're the most bodatious fellow in the world. now, since stingcakes have bad hearing, "crikey" sounds a little like "crackle." i know you're thinking, "what does 'crackle' have to do with anything?" silly, stupid person, it has to do with everything. you see, steve irwin slightly resembles the rice krispies elf idiot known as "crackle." take a gander and see for yourself.
the weirdo hair is enough for me to mistake the two...think of what a stingcake might think with their tiny, death consumed brains. so, obviously, the stingcake thought that mr. irwin was crackle and instantly became jealous because rice krispies is a breakfast more popular than stingcakes are...so in a fit of rage, the grim reaper of the animal kingdom and the breakfast menu murdered our beloved crocodile hunter...leading me to forever associate death with pancakes...and pancakes with death.
steve irwin's death caused sadness around the world...but none were sadder than the ihop owners across the nation when pancake sales plumeted after the croc hunter's untimely death. nobody wants pancakes when they're just waiting to murder anyone who looks like a breakfast cereal mascot...i know i don't...and i also know who the next victim of the stingcakes will be...
that's right -- streisand. her uncanny resemblance to toucan sam will not go unnoticed by the stingcake community...and i bet that some day soon, we'll hear of a pancake-related death involving barbara streisand.
you may call me mad....well, i call you a stupid head. so, stick that in your hat and call it macaroni. as for me, i'm going to stick my skull atop a pillow....for it is time to sleep. taa taa.
