slimon6's blog: "Slimon's Ramblings"

"Follow your heart because it can't steer you wrong." Just remember that. its the best advice i can give anyone. take my word for it.

I’m over you… It started before I knew what was happening…feelings stirring within me. The more time we spent together the stronger I felt for her. Her voice and the words she said to me still haunt my thoughts. Maybe someday I will be able to feel the happiness that I felt with her. Maybe someday I’ll get the chance to hold her in my arms again. Maybe someday I’ll be able to forget the dreams that I never want to let go of. But for now I have to let go. Tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be. Tell myself that everything we talked about was for nothing. Tell myself not to be embarrassed that I opened myself up so much to her. Something I have a hard time doing. But with her it was easy for me. It felt natural, like it was meant to be. I miss that feeling but there is little else I can do. I want to cherish every moment I spent with her. From the first time I saw her standing there. The first time I sat there staring into her beautiful eyes. The first hug. The first time I took her hand in mine. The first kiss I stole. But I know I can’t dwell in the past. I know I have to let go of these memories that haunt me hoping that there could be more. I gave her a promise and I intend to keep it. I may not be able to be as close to her as I want to be. I may not ever be able to hold her in my arms again. But I will be there for her when she needs a friend. I promised her that. I don’t regret anything with this beautiful girl. I don’t want to ever forget the times we shared. But I need to push them to the back of my mind. I need to do that for me. I realize now what I have to do. No matter how much it hurts to do that. My heart hurts but I need to keep walking my path. I need to keep my head up. I need to stay strong. It is hard though but I know I can do it. I have to do it. But as time passes, without hearing that beautiful voice the dreams fade. They pass thru my mind without a second thought now. I’ve tried to lie down and remember them. I’ve tried to keep holding on to them, wishing I didn’t have to let go of them. But I have to… I’m not writing this to make her feel bad. Or to let her know how hurt I am. I write this for me. Writing helps me clear my mind. Helps me sleep at night. I’m not sure she will even read this. I’m not sure she will talk to me about it. The only thing I asked her for was honesty. It’s been a very hard few weeks for me. An emotional rollercoaster mostly. Some days are good others are not. The littlest things remind me of her which makes it more difficult. I wish you the best little one. I wish you to stay safe and find what you are truly looking for. Just remember, I am still here for you. I promised you that. Simon

Everyone makes resolutions every New Years. I am guilty of this aswell. But as most people start new diets, new exercise routines, or even working on a relationship, I won't be doing any of that. For what I'm looking for is beyond that, something way harder to achieve. Happiness is what I'm looking for in 2009. I thought I had found it a few times in 2008 only to be let down and miserable. The best thing I can say is that I did find more of myself in 2008, even if it did break my heart. But I've learned from my mistakes and won't make them again anytime soon. 2009 is going to be a great year for me. I can make it happen and only I can make it work. Everything from my job to my friends to relationships, I will look for it every day, tell myself that I need to be happy. 2008 was a hell of a journey, met a few new people, one in particular that stole my heart...but only to rip it out and shatter it. I know that was not her intention, but things happen. I've tried to repair myself from it and have almost done just that. But it takes time. And i have all the time in the world right now! So onto 2009! The year I WILL find my true happiness!