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I cried myself to sleep last night. I wonder where my life is going to be heading, I feel stuck in a rut. I try to still think positive. Things that used to be my happy thought and make me smile, only turns upside down. Sometimes I wonder if I hope too much and only will have shattered dreams. But if there's something so important to you, wouldn't you not give up?
I feel like a rag doll, tosses around, used and beaten. Only to be picked up, brushed off for a moment and then tossed away again. I'm feeling real lonely, sometimes forgotten and unloved. I know there's people that do care, but there's something that I want of more. Like right now, I have mittens purring away on my lap. She makes me smile. I know I'm loved by her. She always seems to tell whenever I'm down.
I still have a lot of stuff going through my head. I"m hurting, I'm frustrated. Sometimes I wonder if it's best to let several of the things that are burying me down....out from me.
I day dream of life being so completely different. Being someone different. I wonder a lot. I wish that I was someone special.... I want to feel loved and special...not just....yesterday's news.
And now I will get ready for work....another day of wondering thoughts at work. Day dreaming, wondering, thinking...Biting my lip down. Dreading the day to be over and to be with my cats, my happys.... Yeah that sounds like something a old lady with million of cats would do...but, they truely make me smile and wanted. I feel loved by them. They're always so happy to see me.
