Well Here I am, Jay is kicked out, has been for some time now, and now Im living next door to Shawn instead of living with him. Me and Shawn had this long discussion before hand.. Shawn wanted to get back together but then hes still with Monica.. The problem.. well... lets see here.. Shawn is still with her and its been weeks on top of weeks, and now I find out he can't make up his mind. So this last week here I am, sitting around thinking abut life in general. Now if you look at my poems you can tell I have not been to happy lately.. basicly more sunkin into the depression then normal..
Frankly I think I just had a adult conversation with myself, you can say anyways. i'm looking at myself, thinking how stupid I really am.. why you ask.. because I have spent all of my time trying to help others out when I cant even help myself out.. now honestly.. how can that work.... well let me tell you something.. it doesnt work.. you end up screwing yourself even deeper and deeper in the long run. I have let me life go and made it worse for myself, just to make another happy...
Guess what... I have came to decision that now on it is time for me to be selfish. I'm gonna stop helping everyone else. it is time to help out myself first.. so until I can get myself straihtened up and on a roll.. I think others is gonna have to take a number and wait in line... and Frankly.. I also noticed something.. I have been trying to help people that isnt willing to help themselves... so all you people out there that has a number and standing in line.. i hope your showing me you are actually trying to do the same as me and try to help yourself.. because this is a big cruel world and it isnt going to stop and put things on hold for you to have your party time or what not.. sure the partying is fun but what good is it when you cant enjoy it because your to busy in a corner worrying about what your gonna do about your bills or just life in general.. SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF..
