CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Broken"

I know I keep repeating myself when I say I am scared to death about this move. I am having extreme anxiety issues at the moment about this whole thing. I know everyone keeps saying its gonna be the best for me and all, but that doesnt make me any less terrified.

I have been *alone* for over a year and a half and being thrown into the community living situation is making me so nervous. I think I am going to apply for the temporary grant to get counseling, hopefully it will help me get back to normal. I really only know how to associate with people online, and that scares the hell out of me, I didn't use to be that way. 

Right now I can only dream of being back in my own place, and living under my rules not anybody elses. I cant believe I gave so much up before I went to Germany chasing a dream, I literally gave everything in my apartment away, thus being when I start over, I have nothing. 

I have been on antidepressants for a little over a month now and feel no change. The only thing they make me is tired, but don't help me sleep all night either. I am at such a loss for explaining how I feel without being redundant all the time.

There will be someone handling my acct temporarily since I wont be on very much. So if you shout me or something and don't get a response, its more then likely not me. 

Tomorrow is gonna be so intense for me, jumping into living with all these people I don't know. Worrying that they won't like me or all that other jazz. I know breathe, etc etc etc, but thats alot easier said then done.