Terran Nytefyer's blog: "Rantings, Ramblings, & Ruminations"

A phrase I’m seeing all over peoples' profiles on the internet that is really beginning to piss me off: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

This phrase is a steaming pile of horseshit.  Why?  Because some people can NOT be handled at their worst, because their worst is deeply horrifying.  True, it probably started out with the intention of meaning, “Don’t walk out on me just because I’m having a bad day,” but that is NOT what it’s come to mean.  From what I’ve been seeing, it means, “I’m a horrible person and a complete twat, and I know that, but I’m going to use this phrase to excuse my shitty behavior and label YOU as an ‘asshole’ if you leave.”

This is beyond selfish, and beyond ridiculous.

Want to know what one of my exes was like at her “worst”?  Beating on me, every fucking day, when she was in a bad mood.

And don’t give me, “Well, that phrase isn’t meant to be taken literally.  It’s a metaphor.”  Bullshit.  Some phrases are constantly repeated because people want them to be taken literally.  This is one of them.

I have no problem dealing with someone if their “worst” consists of being a bit bitchy, being crabby, being a bit standoffish, being depressed, being snappy, even being angry.  But don’t expect me to “handle” you if your worst consists of being violent and downright mean to everyone you claim to care about when you’re having a bad day, mentally and emotionally abusing people when you’re in a bad mood, being violently destructive because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, etc. - because if that’s your worst, your best isn’t going to be much better.

This brings me to another phrase people constantly use with one another: “Promise me that you’ll never hurt me.”  This is one of the most unreasonable requests to place upon someone.  If you plan on getting into a relationship (even a friendship) with someone, you are going to get hurt eventually.  It’s a fact of life.  Now, granted, if it’s a good relationship, it won’t be intentional hurt - but it will still happen.  And, when it does, the promise has been broken.  Because that’s not a promise anyone can ever keep.  It’s a promise borne out of unreal expectations - that of believing that if someone truly cares about you, they should never hurt you, ever.  So, what happens if, say, you are your SO happen to get into a minor argument about money? “No, honey, I don’t think that’s a good idea, because we need to pay this bill before it’s late.”  Well, just by your SO saying that, you will feel hurt.  Because s/he disagreed with you, and believed that something different should be done, than what you suggested.  When people start using the “Promise me you’ll never hurt me” phrase, what they’re usually meaning is, “Promise me you won’t walk out on me before I have a chance to do it to you.”

These phrases are not smart phrases to keep repeating.  Because, ultimately, they’re amazingly selfish, and amazingly unrealistic.

One of the best things I ever heard in my life?  When someone said, “Promise to love me as long as you’re able.”