The horrors of food service...LETS ROCK AND ROLL!! ::STRUMS HIS AIR GUITAR....HARDCORE:::
RANT TIME! Episode 8: FOOD SERVICE!
We've all worked in food service at least once in our lives...DON'T FUCKING DENY IT! I KNOW YOU HAVE TOO! Lol. And MY GOD, why the FUCK DOES IT SEEM LIKE PEOPLE ARE HIT WITH A PATENTED "I'M FUCKING RETARDED BEAM" when they step up to the counter?! PEOPLE DO NOT FUCKING HAVE TO ACT RETARDED WHEN THEY COME TO THE COUNTERS...WE ARE FUCKING NICE ENUFF TO PREPARE YOUR FOOD THAT YOU WAIT PATIENTLY FOR AND YOU GUYS COMPLAIN YOU WAITED TOO LONG, WHEN YOU FUCKING ASKED FOR SOMETHING FRESH!? GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
Let's get more specific now. The idea that people get struck with a "I'm FUCKING RETARDED BEAM" when I worked at Cedar Point, people used to ask the STUPIDEST questions. Let me pull out my handy dandy sketch book, with a page entitled B-U-F-F-A-L-O (its the biggest damn written thing on the page, so ITS THE TITLE NOW!). My lovely and one of my closest friends, wrote this. NOTE: These questions pertain to stupid people who don't read menus, and just expect all kinds of food to be available, and stupid people who just lose their sense of COMMON SENSE. So lets begin...
1. What is an Aquafina? Is it a basket? Does it come with fries?
2. Can I have a cup of ICE water, WITHOUT ICE?
3. Do you have nachos? You're machine has a picture of nachos on it.
4. Are the frozen drinks frozen?
5. Can I have a slice of pizza?
6. OOH, WE GET SALAD WITH THE (ham/cheeseburger) BASKET?
7. (this one is kind of random) What time does the 10 o'clock laser light show start?
8. What are cheese fries?
9. (another random one) Is the Sky Ride running?
10. (this one just took the cake) Does the train go upside down?
NOW THEN, I will give you a list of follow ups to these questions, we wish we could say, and what we ACTUALLY did say.
1. IT'S EXPENSIVE, WASTE OF MONEY, BOTTLED WATER! ----- It's bottled water not a food item.
2. SO YOU WANT SOME FUCKING WATER THEN?! ----- So you want some water without ice?
3. IT'S A FUCKING PICTURE! READ THE MENU, FUCKTARD. ----- No sorry, thats just the image on our cheese machine.
4. IT'S CALLED A FROZEN DRINK! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?! YES! ----- Yes, our "Tropic Thirst beverages are frozen"
5. YOU HAVE BEEN STARING AT THE MENU FOR 5 MINUTES, DID YOU ONCE SEE FUCKING PIZZA ON IT?! NO!! ----- No, I'm sorry we don't sell pizza.
6. THEY ARE SANDWICH TOPPINGS. Did I give you a fork? NO! ----- Those are customer optional sandwich toppings.
7. (keep in mind, the light show was in the middle of the midway, so there were no seats) ----- It starts at 11:00, but you should get there before 10:45 to get good seats.
8. FRIES WITH CELLULITE ON THEM! ----- Fries with cheese on them.
9. POINTED STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP! ----- No, I'm sorry it is not. OR Yes, it is.
10. (I seriously just walked away when I was asked ..10 then came back and answered the following) ----- No, it doesn't, there is not enough acceleration for the train to be able to carry its weight and go through an inversion like the roller coasters at 30 miles per hour.
Now, to rant about my current job a little bit. Why must people feel the fucking need to order food 5 minutes before close? WHY? Is it really that important to feed our countries growing obesity epidemic? NOT IT'S FUCKING NOT, GO ON A DIET PEOPLE! I swear to goodness, one night this women, like 5 mintues before close came and bought all the pretzels in our warmer...and she was riding a motorized chair and looked to weight about 400-500 lbs? WHY DO YOU NEED TO EAT?! Not to mention, those people who want MTO (made to order) food 5 minutes before closing. JUST GO TO McDonalds or Tim Hortons. Then you got these people who complain because they have been waiting in line for 20 minutes, JUST TO ORDER THEIR DAMN FOOD. YOU SAW HOW BIG THE FUCKING LINE WAS, YOU MADE THE DAMN CHOICE, SO DON'T COMPLAIN TO US!
ANYWAYS. Enough said for tonight...If you have read this and NEVER HAVE worked in food service. PLEASE WORK IN MERCHANDISE. LOL, love ya all.
PEACE!
