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6:26pm PST
Yes, as you may have noticed I usually time stamp something I start typing out. It's been a habit of mine since I started an old blog when I was 15, but it has closed down since then.
So anywho, I went out with my friends last night. I got a phone call out of the blue. I hadn't seen my ex since January even though the last time we actually spoke was in February.
I thought it would've been somewhat awkward since there was quite a bit of weirdness when we last spoke. Anywho, his birthday is on Monday. He is going to be 34. Yes, I know he's still young. He always puts himself down. I don't know why though. He was telling me how he missed me but didn't want to be in a relationship because he feels he has nothing to offer.
If he didn't have anything to offer, then I wouldn't have been with him the time I was. One look at him last night reminded me he is still the same guy I last spoke to, though I noticed there was a sparkle in his eye when he saw me. I haven't really changed at all. Sure, I've been more social lately. I've been going out of town (well mainly Santa Barbara, San Diego, San Marcos, Oceanside, Escondido, and Highland)... Other than that, just been busy with the work thing. I have a job I like and am not trying to jeopardize it in any way whatsoever. So we got to talking for a bit.
Last night reminded me of the movie I recently saw, "Friends With Benefits," the one with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. You know how they just happen to just hook up like nothing, well that's how I started with him too, but of course we didn't have our fairytale ending. I didn't expect us to, though I'll admit I still care about him, though I don't 'love' him. Since I was home alone, I invited him in at which time he accepted.
We got to talking, and well, one thing led to another, and due seriously I wanted to laugh, but kept grinning. Not because of what was going on, but because there was just something about him that threw me off. And well, needless to say, I didn't really go to sleep until early this morning. I'm running on 4 hrs of sleep.
I thought everything was fine with us, but he still text me from work and said thanks and said he wanted to hang out and would like to invite me to dinner. I feel flattered, but I took it just how I saw it, more like a one time thing, though it's not, but more like a b-day present lol. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I don't want him to get stuck on me and then feel like he has nothing to offer as he had already mentioned.
he does a lot though... he has two little girls he takes care of. His job cut his hours, and I've asked if he considered looking for another job so he can feel better about himself. He has a car, is employed, plays baseball, and overall a family guy. The reason I stopped seeing him was simple and he knew it. I currently don't have my own place at all (not that it should matter) but in the long term/run it seriously matters. And well, I am just being up front and honest. He told me he got jealous a couple of times he read my facebook status whenever I went on a date and said he wishes it were him and not some other guy. C'est la vie *sighs* 6:36pm
