I know some of you know about this already... if you have read my mumm. I have been biding my time till taxes roll in to divorce my husband. Bu ti have been getting sucked back in a bit ... mostly outta comforts sake i think. That and the fear of having to start over. But monday... i was visited by the sherrifs dept. Never a greatin of goog tidings when the cops are knocking at your door. So I answer the door.. to be asked if my husband resided here... i say yes and they want to speak to him..i say he is at work i am his wife..whats going on?... then the man proceeds to tell me that he is being summondsed to court to appear before the judge on a paternity case. Yep.. you heard me right... not only has my husband been cheating on me.. but he potentially has a 5 month old son with this woman. I was crushed, how could this be happening to me? What did I do to deserve this. I confront him and he denies thats it's his kid. He of course claims that she is doing this out of retaliation for dumping her. I almost beleived it till i rexamned the document to see it was files 2 months before the discovery of the affair. So he is lieing again. I tell him i want a divorce.. that I am done.. there is no going back from here. He keeps telling me that he is sorry and its my fault that he had the affair. And he has barely spoken 2 words to me since. Thats fine .. i dont want to talk to him.. I just want him to leave. But i think i might need dynamite.
Tonight he tried the whole apologize and beg for forgiveness routine. I broke down and cried with him.. but stuck to my guns and told him its over. He said he was fine with whatever i wanted.. lets just do it civillly.. I want that more than anything.. i don't want a messy drawn out divorce. I just want to move on. To start over... to pick up the peices of my heart and get on with my life already!!!! Everything went smoothly till he asked if we could have sex and i looked at him like he was on fire.. He couldn't comprehend that i can't look at him without thinking of them together. I gave him plenty of 2nd chances. I just can't move past this one. It's a the final nail in a coffin of 4 years of a culmination of many unpleasent events. So now he is all anrgy and being mean with me again. I guess he thought i was gonna just spread my legs and it would change my mind, because he said that he was gonna send me flowers as an apology. Even if he had.. no flowers could say enough to mend this. Hell.. i havent gotton flowers sent to me by a man since i was in high school. Why should he make the effort now.. he's all talk anyways.
I am calling to make an appointment to see a lawyer tomorrow... hopefully they can get me in by monday.. if he thinks i am gonna wait around for 6 months while he does his house arrest with me here in my house, he is insain!!!!
I am finally getting my chance to be a real person again and i refuse to back down!!! If that makes me a bad person so be it. I am probably beginning to ramble..and i am tired anyways.... so,till i feel the neeed to bitch and moan again... i'm unpluggin the monitor and calling it a night!!!
If you are actually reading this.. sleep well..and take care of you.
