I just met a guy at the carnival tonight who came up to me and told me that he loves my blogs. It made me feel all warm and gooshy inside so I have decided to start writing them again. I have a lot of fun stories. Guys if you read these and like them leave me a comment so I know I am not talking to myself. Anyway as it is July and this story takes place on the 4th of July 1997 (I think) I will relate it to you.
I have a friend named James. One day James took me up the mountain to go to this party on the forth of July. He was a little concerned about me because I had just went through a really bad break up so he thought a party with a live band was just what I needed. To make me forget about all of my troubles! I do not remember the name of the band, but they played 70's music and often played with Pagan Rage.
So there I was tipsy. Ok ..ok I was drunk, listening to a band, in the middle of the woods, sitting on a log, staring into a campfire and feeling sorry for myself due to the breakup.
When the sound of crying started to pennitrate through my drunken stupor. I look over towards the direction of the sound and sitting next to me was man crying, wearing only a pair of beat up tennis shoes. I do not know how long he was there, but it was obvious that he had been sitting next to me for some time….crying…..NAKED! Did I mention he was NAKED?
Now, friends you know it is not very often that I find myself sitting next to a naked crying man in the middle of a party somewhere on Casper Mountain. I mean how often have you sat next to a naked crying man on Casper mountain?
There were several ways I could have handled this situation for instance: I could have asked him why he was naked, but I decided that was too obvious of a question so instead I asked him why he was crying? Between sobs of utter despair he informs me that he has a beautiful body and that he wants to share it with the world. So I look at him and say well it looks like you are doing a damn fine job of sharing it with the 40 or so people at this party right now. He explains to me that he wants to dance on the stage with the band, but they will not let him because he is naked.
Now friends stop and think to yourself what you would do? It occurred to me that the "almost Christian" thing to do would be to help this guy out! I mean all he wants to do is share the piece of art that god created when he made this man with the world! Now I ask you what is so wrong with that? So hiding my grin as best as I could I looked at the naked man and said all shocked "You mean these uncultured swine do not appreciate the symmetry of your body? Look at you! You're a fine specimen of a man! Do they really not want to admire your beauty?
Still crying he sobs "yes"
Doing my "almost Christian" best to console him I say "well, they just do not understand. "Hey!!! I have a great idea! Maybe if they do not appreciate you taking the time to share your body with them. Then maybe you should go and share your body with the people on the main road! There are lots of cars on the mountain tonight I bet atleast one of them will appreciate your body!"
Gentel reader I am sure that you will agree that I did right by this man. I know I did the right thing because as soon as I said it the naked man, who was wearing only a pair of sneakers took on a look of GREAT joy and determination. He dried his tears, thanked me for my wonderful idea and gave me a hug.(I could have done without the hug, but it was a small price to pay for making a total stranger so happy) anyway after the hug he goes trotting off to the main road wearing nothing but a pair of sneakers. and I go back to staring at the fire and feeling sorry for myself, but knowing deep inside I made the naked man happy!
After a moment or two of staring into the camp fire, I hear a voice behind me say "TRREEEEY!?!? All drawn out and sounding a little too much like my father.
Turning I look at James and say as innocently as I possibly can I said "Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaattttttt?"
James is obviously not buying into my innocent act and still sounding just like my dad he says "what did you do?
Now I know that the innocent card did not play very well, but I still try to play it by saying "what do you mean?
James says to me "what did you say to the naked man!?!?!?"
O.k. I am busted I know it and James knows it so I decide to come clean…. I mean what is James going to do? ground me? So I say to him
"Oh James it was sooooo Sad all that naked man wants to do is share his body with everyone at the party. Isn't that courageous and generous of him?"
James shakes his head and says "I know I keep having to pull him off the stage. WHAT DID YOU DO"
Ignoring his question I said "see, you are one of the people that are making him so sad, but don't worry I made him happy again!!!! Because I am a wonderful person spreading cheer and happiness to all who come into contact with me!"
James starting to get annoyed says to me "HOW?? TREY, HOW DID YOU MAKE HIM HAPPY AND WHERE IS THE NAKED MAN GOING? WHAT DID YOU DO????!!!!!!"
Grinning from ear to ear I look at James trying to be as innocent as possible I say "I well I kind of sort of suggested that he share his body with the people traveling on the main road"
Ok guys you have to understand James has known me for a lot of years and can read my sence of humor very well. Infact of all the people I know James is the hardest person to pull one over on, but lets get back to the story!
James groans and says. "Damn it Trey! I knew you did something FUNNY. This is a cool party and you are going to get it busted!!!!"
With that James goes stomping off into the woods after the naked man. A few minutes later the band is taking a break when all of a sudden we hear the naked man SCREAMING at the top of his lungs in the dark and spooky woods!!
He is screaming "NOOOOOOO!!!!! PUT ME DOWN!! I WANT TO SHARE MY BODY. I have a beautiful body! Not only that but it is obvious that mean o James has upset the naked man again as we can all hear him crying between screams!
A few minutes after we hear the screaming, we see James walking back to the party. and right next to James's head is a NAKED MAN BUTT. James has thrown the naked man over his left shoulder so that his BUTT was right next to his head!!! The naked man is kicking and screaming cussing at James and James is walking towards us with an amazing amount of dignity concidering there is NAKED HAIRY ASS right next to his head!! The whole time he is walking towards us he is GLARING AT ME!!
Let me tell you! The image of James carrying the naked man back to the party is burned in my brain! It is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire LIFE! I mean when James was coming back to the party I was laughing so hard I had tears justa rolling down my face.
Anyway this story does have a happy ending. James dropped the naked man off on the stage with the band looked at the band members and said" You might as well let him dance on stage cause I am not going to go and get him again" So We all were happy. James was happy because he did a good deed, the naked man was happy because he got to share his body with his fellow partiers and I got to laugh so hard I cried and I commited an "almost Christian" act!
The end! In a few days I will post a blog telling all my readers all about the bunny cup!! Yes my 1st ex wife thought she was going CRAZY and this happened just before I married her. After this story I think every one will understand why she left me!
