SarahMONSTER's blog: "Help, Im Alive"

People...I just do not get sometimes.
And I really dont want to try to understand them.
NewsFlash. You still annoy me. And I dont need you.

Being one color or another on Fu will not make me notice you more.
In fact, if you are a certain envy color, I will not notice you, but look past you.
Being a certain color, now shows me what your true intentions are.

But enough about fu...

My life has gotten a bit more complicated. This was something I was hoping I could avoid and somehow it would disapear.
Anyone know of any magic makers?

More lately my fists have been clenched and white.
I dont like having to have my wall up, waiting for the next mind-fuck-attack.
As times goes by the more I forget about the good and the bad of that used to be life.
I dont miss him. I miss having someone to wake up with, someone to care for, someone to cook for .

Love for me has changed. It was never the stuff of fairytales. But the need to be crazy deep inlove with someone, the feeling that you would die without that person, is no longer.
Ive had to pick myself up, mend,be broken, and mend again, enough times. I am sufficient. I am enough.
Although I love someone more than I thought I could again, its different.
I need saftey. I need secuirty. I need respect. I need equailty. These are things I Assumed came with Loving someone.
But it is not so. To say you love someone doesnt always mean you get the whole kit and kaboodle.
You live in a fantasy if you think so.  

You do not need to bring me flowers, etc. You need to put your own dirty clothes in the hamper, not on top of the lid of the hamper, not right next to the hamper, but inside.
You do not need to sweep me off my feet, you need to respect me and not assume, since I am a woman, that I will be your servant, since you are a man. 

Things I cannot take are lack of comminication .
For about a year, I lived with a man that would barely talk about anything but about WoW.
I need conversations. I need discussions. I need a battle of wits. I need need sarcasm.

Selfishness is something I will not tolerate.
To bring every conversation back to you, to think your problems are always worse, is something I have no time for.
This goes for lovers and friends alike.

Neediness. Parts of it I will accept. As people we like to know that people need us.
But, if you are conastly asking, expecting for things , then, see ya.
If all you talk to me about, is requests for something, then chances are, I wont talk to you much.

I am a very giving person. I love to be able to help people.
But I am handling the responsibitles that were meant for two, alone.
If you need me, I will be there. But know, that my daughter will always, come first. 

This blog serves little purpose other than for myself, and letting out things I am not able to on a healthy basis.