The night was really great, not a cloud in the sky. The stars shining brighter than ever before. A light breeze adds an eerie chill to the night.
I'm standing alone is a bare corn field. The month is October, the corn had been freshly harvested and turned into Halloween decorations. As I look off into the distance, the horizon is surprisingly bright. As I look I remember a time when my father and I would go fishing on Lake Michigan, staying out on the water until the sun came up to remind us to eat breakfast, and then back out on the water.
Only It always seemed you could see farther when on the water. It must have been the bright moonlight reflecting off of the shimmering black lake. Those times were the greatest, As I look back I recall I never really cared for the fishing but I always loved to spend time with my dad regardless of what we would make of It and end up doing.
So may years have passed since then and now I'm alone. My father passed on couple of year ago soon after my mother. Being an only child and having no siblings was great for so many years. I was always treated good and had everything and anything I could have desired.
The past two years have been the worst of my life. I stayed intoxicated pretty much everyday. I would start with a few beers in the morning to ward off the unbearable hangovers. After I was tired of the beer, once I had woken up, I would move to harder stuff vodka, whiskey, tequila anything with a bite to It. I would be passed out by three o'clock wake up by five or six o'clock and start the grueling ritual all over again.
Here I am alone in a corn field In the middle of nowhere with a gun In my hand and A crack pipe in my mouth. There's nothing In the pipe, I found It In my fathers room shortly after he died. It's the only thing I was able to keep after the I.R.S. got done with his estate.
A single shot is all It would take to end all my suffering. I really wished there was a little something left in this pipe, It would make this entire thing a little less complicated.
I raised the gun and put to my head. The barrel was cold but only for a few seconds until It matched the temperature of my temple. My hands began to shake violently, I could barely keep a grip on the gun.
I pulled the hammer back, The click was a little more intimidating than I figured it would be. I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see what I was about to do.
Bang!!
Am I dead? Is this Heaven or Hell? What’s going on, I'm still in pain. I feel no different. I always thought that after you pass and go to heaven you never feel pain again, but I still feel the immense pain In my heart and mind. I feel no release, no compensation.
Slowly I opened my eyes to see If I'm standing on the streets of gold or in a pit of fire and brimstone.
I'm still standing In the empty field alone with nothing and no one. I don't understand, why aren't I dead? How Is that I'm still breathing.
I pulled the pistol around to examine It. It just don't make any sense, the gun fired but where did the bullet go? As I began to examine the pistol I realized that the bullet was jammed In the barrel. What was eerie about the situation was that the bullet had stopped right at the end of the barrel. Almost as If something somehow had stopped It from exiting. When I lowered the gun to think for a moment the bullet fell out to the ground.
I wondered for few seconds If I should pick It up and look at It, But as usual curiosity got the best of me. As I slowly leaned down to pick up the dull gray item I noticed there was something etched into It. The writing was so small I could barely read It. The harder I looked the more that came into focus. It read "don't worry God's in control"
As you may assume this really kind of freaked me out. I dropped the bullet back to the ground to never see It again. As I began to turn to walk away I saw A bright silhouette of a tall brawny figure standing about 100 yards In front of me. I couldn’t really make out anything but the outline of the gentleman.
I stopped dead in my tracks unable to move. The illuminated figure was just standing there staring, even though I couldn’t see his eyes I could feel them piercing my heart. He began to raise his hands and as he did I felt something running down the side of my face, like a rain drop or a single tear. I reached over and wiped It off and at that point I realized that It felt a little funny, I glanced at my hand and sure enough It was blood. I touched my head and there was a gaping hole still warm from the gunshot.
"What the hell !", I exclaimed
Just as I finished saying that phrase the silhouette in front of me began to laugh demonically.
" You have no idea!", the man snickered. As he laughed the surroundings began to change. The half broken corn stalks turned into towering blue flames. The man began to change as well, no longer a bright brilliant light but A dark evil presence.
At that point I realized that My Pain would never end but would only get worse for the rest of time.
Copyright ©~Ted E. Brown II
July 10, 2003
