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There are times in our life when we are either a part of, or just witness things that we wish we have never seen or went through! I myself have been there! Ive been abused Mentally, Physically, Verbally and Sexually. Ive been hurt more times then not and at times have wanted to give up! Ive been suicidal thinking theres noway i have anything to live for! there was a time in my life when i would ask GOD "WHY ME." Theres a time when my best friends were the pills that promised to put me to sleep,if i took just the right amount i wouldnt hurt anymore! There are times when i would cry myself to sleep because thats the only way i would fall into that lovely slumber we all so very much love and cant function without! There are times when writing eases all the pain in the world but like now it just heals it for a short time. If you met me and knew me, knew everything i went trough, knew all the pain that rests in my heart, if you knew all the things ive wanted to do and all the risks ive wanted to take because of my past, youd understand why i am the way i am today having the family i have! Ive been brought up with CPS coming every year sometimes more then once, and the cops coming to wisk a parent away. Ive went to school with bruises on my back, my arms and legs. Ive had a head bashed into mine when i was only 15, but yet i love harder then most out there!
Here lately ive been having these awful horrible, nightmares. Ive dreamt about a certain person hurting my baby sister.. and when seeing that i tried to beat this person up and used as much bodily force as possible. Stomping in the face slicing the neck, but nothing happens. I try and try to hurt this person, but nothing happens. I spoke to someone and they said its denial and guilt on my end. when i asked why my end i got this answer..." Because you’ve lived your life trying to push the memories so far back that they are all rising to the surface forcing you to remember what has been done to you!" its time i do remember!! im a very loving person. i have most going for me right now and dont want anythng or anyone to stop me!
