Today i thought i would work on my divorce papers.. an well i must say.. its brought thoughts to my head.. i never though that at my 10 year aniversery i would say.. Goodbye to my once best friend.. I have spent a decade with him.. its funny cause i know that in my heart we where ment to be.. i could see our lives.. watching our kids grow together.. us being old together too.. but its so heart breaking to know. that here i am.. livin with my mom and her husband.. with two kids that are under 6 years of age.. an geting a divorce.. i never saw that when i fell in love with him that day.. today i talked to him.. an i missed him.. then he reminded me y we are here.. i was telling him about our son who is really sick.. an he said i was being a bitch and i should have not called him to tell him about it.. yeap ASS .. so i hung up on him.. its hard some times cause he is all i know.. an know i want to move on and see new ppl.. its hard with my life how it is right now.. i remember when i smiled every day and woke up happy.. an now i go to bed crying and crying on my way to where ever i have to go that day.. not cause of the divorce but cause its so hard for me and my kids.. sadly i carry that pain with me every where now.. an so the little bit of friends that i have get it too.. my family hear it.. im a walking bomb for pain, hurt and the thought that i failed..no my marriage.. i worked on that.. then gave up two years ago.. but i feel im failing every one i know.. i know that i must bother my friend to always have me around or calling.. i know im not that chrissy that smiles alot and laughs.. its sad though.an right now im lookin at my papper work.. an i see that i really dont know shit about him.. i use too.. but i learned to forget things to help me move on.. i do wish that me and him did work.. we both talked about how.. if we never had kids.. how we would have been together forever.. an he is right.. kids add pressure to ur every day life.. but i do know that i would never trade my two kids for the world. atlest i had some good times with him and we have had two great boyz.. wish my others 2 could have made it.. we both miss them.. any ways..
