SHIIZAH no I am NOT single's blog: "memories.... the good, the bad, the fugly."

my book.....

Memories...  The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly
Random memories and realizations by:
Sarah G. Van Brocklin A.K.A. Ivory, and Friends


This book is for adults and has been rated X by me, Ivory, Because I use the terms; pussy, fuck, cock, squirt, and shart along with other vulgar descriptions of the body and bodily actions, as well as talk about things that have been known to traumatize children and young adults.

I've decided to write this book about all of the seemingly insignificant things that have happened in my life and my friends' lives that have ironically had a major impact on us.  This IS my therapy.  I hope that in this book by addressing these memories and awkward moments, I will be able to recognize patterns in life and hopefully be able to shed light into someone else's life if not just to entertain you with my dysfunction.  This book is in deed a book of randomness and chaos, but there is a method to my madness even if I haven't recognized it yet.  By the end you will either be able to relate to me and yourself in ways you weren't evenaware of, or think I am a total nutcase.  Either way my purpose will have been served, so sit back and enjoy the ride!

chapter one... Nursery Rhymes

I used to have these nightmares, but sometimes I'd be awake, or maybe I would sleepwalk I'm not sure, but I was really young.  I know this because it's when I lived in the house in Kenwood and we lived there from when I was 2-6... Anywho I'd have these experiences kinda like Goldie Locks and The Three Bears, but I was Goldie Locks?  I'd be in my crib and as I grew up my bed and the three bears would come and try to attack me.  My mom used to tell me that she never knew how at one and two years of age I was able to get out of my crib.  She said she even had to move the dressers and changing table away from my crib because she thought I was using them as tools to get out, but I still managed to get out.  These "dreams" I'd have, had the three bears coming to my room at night, getting me out of my crib and kinda giving me a head start I guess you would call it, before coming after me with their gnarly teeth and claws.  It was awful...

I sat on the phone tonight with a friend of mine, Ebony, talking about our wierd fears and where we thought they came from, and these "dreams" I had came into the conversation.  I hadn't thought about those since I was a kid and yet tonight while talking about closed shower curtains terrifying us it came back to me.  The wierdest thing came to me also during this conversation.  When I was a kid I just thought of them as terrifying bears coming after me but tonight I quickly referred to them as the three bears like from the nursery rhyme "Goldie Locks and The Three Bears" and then, just as easily as I came with that referal I realized I hate oatmeal and have never been able to eat it and I have to wonder if one has to do with the other?  Was I somehow traumatized by that nursery rhyme?  Had I developed some subconscious belief that if I ate oatmeal/porage the bears would come after me?  It's wierd how things that seem so harmles and insignificant can have such an impact on our lives.

Like a talking doll losing its batteries and giving off that creepy ass drained voice.  As a child it can be quite traumatizing.  Shit, it still creeps me out to this day.  But as adults and parents do we really think how scary and permanently scarring those things can be?  I didn't before our talk tonight.  There were quite a few times my kids' toys would start losing their batteries and the kids would freak out and I'd think it's because thier favorite toy was dying but thinking back its possible to them it really was dying as though it were a living thing.  Maybe that's why I hate dolls, especially the talking ones.   It's like I know they aren't really alive and don't have a mind of thier own and can't hurt me but damnit if I don't have the biggest anxiety attack whenever I get close to one, like it's going to start randomly talking to me and be possesed or something and try to kill me!!! And it might all go back to me having one as a child and the batteries dying and it getting all out of whack on me.