Glad I haven't met you yet.
I mean that in a semi-sweet kind of way
you see
I'm a bit of a mess these days.
I tried to fight a force of nature
someone's nature
and was crushed as a result
by the strangling vines of wrath
and deluge of hailing fists and misguided rage.
It left me in a goopy syrup of introspection and wasted time.
So much time gone.
Gone in the effort,
gone in the recovery.
Gone in the rebirth of a man,
who still doesn't know he's not a boy.
He has to carve his name into the world now
or be another speck on the side of the road.
I still know you're out there, waiting for me to find you.
The dreams are clear
that
pull
is still there
and I know somewhere you're just as lost as I am.
Waiting.
Hoping we don't cross accidentally and miss completely.
I have to remember
hope
always.
But in these ashcloud days
things just aren't as clear.
Do you dream that same dream?
The one where the light finally comes
and you're in peace for the first time of your life?
I thought I had given that to someone once...
with every particle of my being
I'm surprised there's anything left after she took that.
I hope you're not my cure.
I hope I'm strong enough to do this without you.
No one deserves to pick up the pieces, not even me
but I have to. That's the difference.
I have to, or I will never find my way.
Even if I was unblindfolded and in the same room
at the right moment.
That part of me is still missing.
That silver light of a second chance
no-
not a second chance.
Not a chance at all.
This is fate. This is will.
This is the very spark of the universe I've glimpsed a thousand times but was never able to grasp.
Some call it hope.
I'm without a map, compass, and stars these ashcloud days.
But I still have a heart to guide me.
I will hold you one day, and promise you eternity in a cup of memories
in a presence beyond understanding, beyond spirits and celestial reasoning
I will put you to immortal pen, trace a line of wonder and beauty
and not for the sake of this generation.
That is how.
