Chances....Chances are a normal everyday part of life, we take chances in everything that we do. Every day we walk out the door we take a chance that we may not make it back that day. Some of us take more chances or others doing our job, or dealing with this or that but that's not what I want to talk about.
Chances with people are by far the most risky. You never know what will happen if you take that chance or 'leap of faith' to be with someone. There's a lot of factors that play into it, and sometimes people don't understand just how many play into a decision to like someone, or even begin to tell them that they like them. I understand that we've all been hurt before, hell I have most since the year started then in past few years, but again, that's no one's fault but mine. Because I'm a retarded dumbass. I'm a shy person when it comes to relationships, because I've been rejected so many times, because no one will take a chance on me. I'm not a bad guy, honestly I'm a caring guy, and just want to be loved, but no one again will take that chance. Which is fine I'm ready to live my life alone with my son and dog, makes me no mind. However when you are scared to take a chance on someone that isn't going to hurt you, and has expressed an interest in you, and yet you still don't seem to want anything to do with them, or the classic line, 'I want to take this slow'. To me that's a way of telling me I don't want you, I don't want to take a chance with you, which fine, but don't expect me to be all happy. My life moves very fast, I have sometimes seconds to make life and death calls. I do this with my life, because it's what I know, it's all I know, it's how I survive. Everyone survives differently, that's how I do it, that's all I know, I don't know how to take a relationship slow, the last few I did, I ended up getting cheated on, and it was a big mess. I can understand if you need time, but obviously if someone is telling you that they want you, and want to be with you, perhaps you shouldn't keep pushing them away.
The other thing that got to me, I was talking to someone that I would do anything for, she knows this, and again 'wants to take it slow'. I said something about dating, her response was, 'how are we going to date if we're in two different states?' Knowing that her last relationship was out of state and they were 'dating'. To me that tells me that it's not worth my which is fine. If people don't wanna take a chance on a decent guy, and allow him to show them he's not like the rest, then so be it. But don't say there's no good guys out there, because the ones that would give you a chance, you pass by because of looks, or your own insecurities. I have learned that most females are 1.) materialistic (ie what are you gonna get me, what are you gonna buy me), and 2.) always looking for the next best thing. They can't be happy with what they have, then when they get what they think is the next be thing, and it turns out it wasn't, they want what they had. Sorry ladies, it doesn't work like that. You can't tell someone that you want the next be thing, and expect them to want to be friends or even care about you. That's just wrong, not to mention self centered. So no this isn't directed at anyone for anything, I'm using examples that have been used on me to make a point. If that upsets you, then perhaps you should've thought about it before you said it. 3.) Ladies, guys don't want to feel like they are second best in your life. A lot of work goes into a relationship, and if all you can do is whine and bitch about how perfect it's not, then perhaps it's not him, it YOU. Personally I'm just about finished with the whole dating, love, relationship, marriage, bullshit. I couldn't find a female that wanted me if I was the last guy on earth. Get pissed and say that's not true, but when you have tried and tried, and tried, and done NOTHING wrong but took a female who was a friend out on a date, didn't put moves on her, didn't expect sex, nothing just two friends catching up, and at the end of the night she tells you she never wants to see you again, that's a little wrong, a lot cold hearted, and lot of a bitch, or you ask one of they'd like to talk, and they either A.) ignore you, B.) tell you to go fuck yourself, oe C.) that they don't like your kind. And all you said was hello my name is Matt, would you be interested to talk sometime. There is no inuendo of sex, or love, or anything else. Why would you treat someone like that? Then the same females whine, complain, bitch, moan, piss, and everything else because there isn't any good guys out there. If they'd open up their fucking eyes, and quit worrying about what their friends will say perhaps they could find someone. Yeah I'm not skinny, but I'm willing to be I"m smarter then 75% of the males on this site, and that's because I have 3 college degrees. I guess being smart isn't a good thing, but being a jerk, an asshole, a cheater, a liar, a player, an abuser, and everything else is what women want. If that's what you want, have it, but....don't bitch when you can't find a good guy because you're fucking standards are to the sky, and the only one's you'll date are models. Guess some people will learn, others won't. Either way I've said my peace, if it offends you, good, you probably deserved it, if you like it, then you know what it's like to be passed over because of some reason or another. Deuces all!
Ya know, sometimes I just wish I had all of the answers. Seems here as of late, I can't seem to find a decent female that wants a dececent guy. Most would say that I'm looking in the wrong places, while some of that might be true, I don't get why we still have to have the high school mentality. By that I mean why does a female's friends, and everyone around her have to approve of how a guy looks before she will accept him? I mean comeon, I thought we'd grown up, and gotten over the pitty high school bullshit. Look I know I'm not a decent looking, or good looking guy, but I have a lot to offer a female. I have tried and tried, and tired, and all I find is people slamming doors in my face. I have a lot of redeeming qualities, and there are physical things that I am working on, but ya know it'd be nice to have someone want me for me, and want to keep me around, and want to go do things with me, but no, I can't even find that. Hell all I seem to find are the females with 3+ kids, sorry, It's great that you have 3 kids, I hope they are all well, but that's just not what I'm looking for. I want to have a family of my own one day, not have someone I'm married to, plus my son, and their children, and we have no child together. That's kind of a bond, at least I think. Yes I have a son, and no, you can't meet him. If I'm going to date someone, she's going to have to prove she's not going to run out of my life first, before she ever gets close to my son. Sorry, but I don't need my son seeing a different girl in my life everytime he's here. I have been single for 2 years because of this fact, because I can't seem to find someone worth spending my time and effort on. Because anymore it's all about looks. Sorry I'm not putting my effort and everything into a superficial relationship only to be dumped when something better comes along. Been there, done that, won't make the same mistake twice. I guess it's just asking too much for someone to actually love someone for who they are, and not who they aren't. I guess the fact that I have a college education, decent up bringing, I'm funny, I have a sense of humor, I am fun loving, I'm always having fun, and parents like me. But I guess none of that makes a difference anymore. I guess getting married, having children, and such are reserved for the Ken's and Barbie's out there, not for the decent, good guys like myself. I guess it's true, good guys always finish last. Please don't say that they don't, because you wouldn't date me, or want me, so yeah they do finish last. I had one female on here tell me that good guys finish first with her, and we got to talking and she said that she liked me, and that she thinks that we should be a couple, so I sent her a pic, and never heard from her again. Yeah, nice guys finish last...until proven otherwise, that's what I'll think. I don't think I've ever been in a relationship that I haven't been cheated on, or anything like that, so yeah, take it or leave it. I guess my jaded out look is valid until someone can prove me wrong.
It's funny, people tell me to be optimistic that things will happen, that people will be nice to me. BULLSHIT! I met a girl last night, she said that she wanted to talk and get to know each other, not even 12 hours later, she wants nothing to do with me. Funny, I'm smart and have a college education, she didn't, I don't have kids, she does. It's amazing that someone can tell you that they want to get to know you, and expect you to accept them for who and what they are, and when you do, they tell you that they don't want to talk to you again. I just don't fucking get it. Why does everyone have to treat me like shit? Why do people judge me on the outside, instead of the inside? Why is it okay for someone to treat me like that, but if I don't answer, or something stupid, it's my fault for everything. I think from this point on I'm just going to treat everyone like an ass, that way, I can't get hurt, and no one can say I was doing this, or wasn't doing that. I"m better off single, and alone, it's the way most of my adult life has been, might as well keep it that way. I honestly thought that not all females were the same, but I guess I was wrong, they are ALL THE SAME. They don't know how to treat a decent guy, instead he's the one that has to pay for what the assholes have done to them, all you were trying to do is be a decent guy and shit, and they just treated you like you were nothing. I hope one day they find someone that will treat them like shit, beat on them, and shit, and they will truely know what it's like, until then, I guess they will be losers and that fact will never change. I never thought I'd be the one to give up on finding a relationship, but looks like I am, I guess I'm giving the world a big FUCK YOU, because I've been hurt for the last time, it's time for others to see the side of me I have kept away for so long, I"m not going to say I'm sorry, I'm not going to be sorry, I'm going to just say 'you'll live' because it seems like even though I'm nice, no one seems to care, no one wants someone who cares. Tomorrow is my birthday, I wanted to have someone to celebrate it with, guess that won't happen now. Oh well what's the big deal it's just me right? No one cares about me, so why bother? Thanks everyone, for showing me that no matter what noone cares, guess that's the way the fucking world and people work now days
As I sit here tonight, wondering, thinking, hoping, I wonder if things will change. As it was once told to me, in order to be happy sometimes, you have to let things go. I've let go of just about everything, well almost everything. There's times when I still feel like holding onto a thought that crosses my mind, or a feeling that you get, like the butterflies when you talk to that special someone, or that chill that you feel in the midnight air on an early fall evening. Perhaps it's that feeling of a crush, someone that you would love to have, but convencing them of that is harder then anything else. I have been here for years, since lost cherry, I have seen 100's of females, all of them beautiful in some way or another......Well I think I've found one that's beautiful all the way around. I've known her for a while, but everytime I talk to her she's got someone, well I want to be that someone that she has. She's awesome from what I've gathered just by talking to her, she seems a lot like me, and the values, and morals I have, this day and age, that's getting harder and harder to find. Now I'm not a good looking guy, or even a decent looking guy, I'm just a big guy, much like a bear. I don't know if she'd like that or not, but I would like for her to. This girl......she could mean the world to me, she'd be way too good for me, but I'd do my very best to treat her like a princess, because she deserves that. I don't know if I can, but I'm willing to try.
With her, I'd give anything to kiss her soft sweet lips, to play in her blonde hair, to look deeply into her beautiful blue eyes and tell her how I feel. She'd be my pride and joy, she'd be everything I've wanted, and looked for, she'd be all that I could ask for. I know women can be hard to handle, but with her....I feel it'd be different. Ya know, you just have these feelings at times, sometimes they are right, others they are wrong, but you have to try it to make it work. With her, I don't see much trying on either parts, because we'd both be trying, and not having to do that much. If things with her got serious enough, then yes I'd move to be with her, I think she'd be able to handle my life and job fairly well. I think she'd be a great person to have in my son's life. Ya know when picking a mate, ot anyone else to date for that matter, you always have to put your kid's needs first, and make sure this person would be a good fit for him, and not only you. I believe that it'd work both ways in this situation. I feel we could take on life together, and could be really happy with each other. I believe I could see myself marrying her, and staying with her, which is also hard in this day and age. But again, I'd risk the feeling of a broken heart for her, just to see if it worked. Yeah she's pretty special if you couldn't tell. I believe our relationship would be Jason Aldean's song 'Big Green Tractor'. That's perfect, at least it'd be for me....Perhaps if she reads this, she'll know who she is, maybe not, but what I say is true, and I'd give her everything I could. I just hope she'd realize that there's a guy out here that's willing to do whatever it'd take to be hers, and would treat her well. I would love nothing more then to be able to call her mine, perhaps it will happen one day....,,