I retreat into the dark recesses of my mind once again
Hiding from the harsh realities of this all-too-jaded world.
My confusion never seems to abate, not at all.
My mind a chaotic whirlwind of terrible thoughts.
I pull them around me closely, like a security blanket
the chaos comes naturally to me, feels comforting.
I long for the things that once made me safe
Things that once numbed my senses into false reverie.
Once upon a time I could crawl inside a bottle
And feel my troubles melt away, if only for awhile.
Or smoke the sacred herb, sweet scented security
and not feel or care about anything awhile.
But too many times I awoke on the floor
wondering where I was; where everyone had gone.
Lost and alone, feeling sick and afraid,
The darker thoughts coming back with a vengence.
The anger and pain clouds my mind again;
Medication lasts only so long, helping only a little
Before the rage returns, battling my sanity,
Ripping my mind apart, feeding the pain within my soul.
Do I even want to cry out for help anymore?
I ask myself this question daily, over and over.
Or do I sink once again into the abyss, and allow
Madness to consume my shattered soul?