i would like to state a disclaimer that this bulletin is a result of frustration and in no way meant to reflect anything real!
it seems that i have been exposed to several discussions about change and how we can make lasting change in our lives...
looking back at my patterns i have realized that i need to make some changes, but i am significantly challenged by this idea...
i have been told that creating change is something that i can be in control of in some way, but i am having difficulty taking that control...
i seem to be resistant because i have always looked at change as something that i created only after i was completely mentally tired of a certain situation...
maybe i'm just not there yet...
maybe i feel like i should make this change more than i really want to make it right now...
i know what i want in the future, but i am having trouble making that leap of faith...
namely because i don't want to hurt someone down the road...
and what do you do when you have someone who you feel is perfect for you?
it is much harder because you almost want to push them away from the disaster that is you in relationships...
so i drift far away and force myself to stay away as much as i possibly can...
of course your feelings bring you back again...
just because you are scared to death of the future, you are still in love right now...
what's love got to do with it? i mean really...
love is about access...if you have no access to someone, how are you supposed to grow with them...how are you supposed to take steps and reach milestones together..?
it is impossible.
impossible... and just when i think i can make it work...we spend beautiful time together and separate...
you would think that the beautiful time would carry me over to the next time, but it doesn't work like that...
it makes it worse...it makes me realize that apart is the reality and that i can never be truly happy because we are apart more than together overall...
so the solution? move of course!
but wait...we forget that i am a disaster...remember the "waiver"?...yeah, so no one's moving anywhere.
wow.
Im bugging....
oh well...heres some entertainment.....
