i feel sick to my stomach. just another fight wit someone...i forget how it feels like all the wind gets knocked out of you. i wanna stay home tomorrow instead of going to school. there's no point in me going tomorrow, all the homework i'll have will be from calculus. i dont think i could sit through any classes tomorrow.
i wish i could see zack. he may be a stoner but he's got a soothing prescence. every time i see him i'm happy and he remembers me. i have yet to smoke cigs with him. i havent played pass the smoke in awhile and mayb i could play with TU cuz he's gay and wouldnt mind. ugh, i want pix of me smoking.
i should just die...right now...right here...goddess, call me home, please?
*edit*
it's all my goddamn'd fault...i'm so sorry...why suffer thru this? plz goddess, let me end this mess i call a life. you know as well as i do that i wont make it in the real world, no matter how much i think i'm ready. i wont get married, i wont have children, i wont hold a job...you know as well as i do that i cant see a future for myself...ever. can you see me with kids of my own? can you see me with a husband of my own? to the one i hurt, i'm so sorry...to the one i dont trust even tho i'm trying, i'm so incredibly sorry...sadly you're the same person.
plz, goddess, end this pain. end this cycle of pain. end me...set me free. (ps: this is ONLY A RANT, i'm not doing anything stupid tonight)
it may not be my fault...but i cant stop crying
