after over a month of silence he finnaly speacks a whole month to heal to not miss him as much to finnaly stop feeling that i need him. then out of the blue he sends me a message. of all things hes imed me to yell at me over my new user pic. Once again what i look like is a problem for him. there doesnt seem to be anything about me thats good enough for him. im to stupid im to honest im to nice im to bitchy when im not nice im to trusting the list seems to go on forever. so i tell him if youve just imed to pick a fight pls go bother whatever girl your working on now. he claims there is noone ....i know better hes been smoozing natalie she let slip he may be moveing in with her soon. i hope for her sake hes grown up a bit or shell go thru the same garbage he put her thu before. the month of silence seems to have made it easyer to see him for who he realy is i know now hesa jerk and hes toxic for me....so why do i still yearn for him why do i still wish to close my eyes and belive the lies he tells me? stupid fickle heart smarten up before you kill us both. i can see him now for all his lies and all his shortcomeings yet i also can still see the things that are good about him yes no matter what i try to tell myself there are good things about robbie. It just so happens hes not good for me and to be honest im probaly not good for him either. i suspect his perfect woman would be a sub someone can follow orders and be whatever shes told to be. its just not me in to be that not even for the man owns my heart. So i steel my backbone and attempt to stay strong tell myself dont fall for the fanatcy 4 years is to long to wait espeicly for someone doesnt even treat you well. i tell myself there are men here waiting patiently for your heart to be free. Randy has waited patiently courting me trying so hard to make me foreget 2 years hes fought to make me see him as more then a freind i wish i did hed be so much better for me then this mascocist yearning i have for robbie. Its not like hes my only option so why is he the only one i can realy see? whats wrong with me? why is it when i love the one i love is the only one i can see? why is it so hard for me to give up on those i love?
