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I feel so, not like me. I hate feeling awkward around someone because I love them deeply and I know they could never feel the same way about me. I keep it to myself. But it makes me feel odd. And I get depressed. I'm not usually all emo and hate the world. I tried to take on or at least TRY similar interests. I tried going out on dates with other people and it just didn't feel right, because my heart IS taken. Indefinately. And i tried being around you and it just broke my heart. Texting is onething. Talking online doesn't bother me. But having you in my sight talking to me in person, hugging me when I know it means more to me then it does to you... I just CAN'T. It will take me a couple months to get over you. To numb myself and close that part of my heart. I just need time away to think and to do what I personally NEED to do. I love you so much and it's killing me slowly and I can't let that happen. Time heals all wounds? Well... maybe. I guess I will find out. I'm not kicking you out of my life. Text me by all means. Message me online. But I can't see you face to face or I WILL cry. And not the slow tears from me holding back. Oh no. THe heart retching sobs of my heart breaking everytime I see you. I didn't realize HOW MUCH I loved you until I saw you face to face knowing that I will never have you in my life. Not in the way I really want to. So I'm giving up. I'm not going to try any more. I just going to let myself go numb again. I was finally starting to feel again and to open up. I see how much of a mistake that really was. No, its not a mistake knowing you. Just opening my heart to hae it torn out yet again. But then again, I'm used to being hurt. I just have never felt this strongly before. And no, you don't annoy me. I wasn't annoyed. I was suffering and in pain being in your very pressence. It hurts to be near you. It hurts when you put your arm around me and embrace me like nothings changed. You are in love witrh someone else, that changes everything. I would never come between it. So instead I will distance myself until I have squashed my feelings.
