IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit
card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the
receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared
that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have
it, they matched.
* * *
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer were being hit
by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
* * *
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he
was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
* * *
IDIOT SIGHTING #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?"
I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
* * *
IDIOT SIGHTING #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of
mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained
that it signals to blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
* * *
IDIOT SIGHTING #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the
company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is
fun. We should have lunch like this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer
staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
* * *
IDIOT SIGHTING #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system
would not turn on.
* * *
IDIOT SIGHTING #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in
it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
it was open.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"
"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."
&&&&&&&&&&&
A public service.
As Ben Franklin said:
"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is
bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would
have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria
found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum,
whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it is better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water
and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I am doing it as a public service.
