When did stupid become a way of life? Have you ever been privy to people in a super market, department store or just a local mini mart where a couple decided to air their dirty laundry to the whole world? How about perhaps not airing their laundry as much as including you into their conversation and you just want to get the hell out of there! I have seen this kind of thing many times. Due mostly to me more times then not being the Grocery Guy. I don’t mind so no big deal however what I do mind is being in someone’s front room as they break out in a toe to toe skirmish. I am being a bit melodramatic to a point but I totally feel for some of those who are on the brunt end of these ordeals. Case in point Saturday I chose to pick up groceries a day early normally Sunday morning is my time, early when not many are even up yet. Yes I am the early bird and the worm normally doesn’t have a chance. So there I am minding my own business and I even snatched up a cart from outside and brought it in to save I don’t know perhaps the kid that is paid to bring the carts in one less cart…anyway so there I am and while I am bringing said cart in these two I would like to refer to as Mutt and Jeff. Back ground check or the low down on them Jeff is all of 100 pounds and Mutt…well let’s just say she could hide two of Jeff behind her and no one would be the wiser. Oh and they look Kentucky Mountain bred. I can’t get any closer to calling them Hill Billy’s without point blank saying so, oh and for the record I have been called a Hill Billy time and time again…bothers me not. So I catch some of their bickering outside and figure Mart do yourself a favor and hang by the fruits until they pass by. Knowing fruit is not on the agenda for them I kind of racial profiled them didn’t I? Oh well Bad me. So I hang there…guess what…Hell if they didn’t pull right up behind me…so Now feeling like a goober I snatch up a bag a Granny Smith’s Apples and cart on… Oh and let me tell you if there was a Aisle speed limit I would have been ticketed! So I am no grabbing Vege’s Mushrooms, Sprouts, Salad crap and such and figure I lost them, Yeah right! You know it’s not bad enough they damned near run into me, however the Jeff is yelling at Mutt across the produce while I am right next to her…Beam me up Scotty I am coming home! I figure they have a right to be there and I just do not want to be right there so I decided to go take my Apples back, due to not actually really wanting them and I am free of them however I have to get back and get Salad stuff…so I go to the pop aisle (soda) and grabbing Diet Pepsi Ruby Red Squirt because Manders and Jax will be over for Sunday dinner and she likes Squirt. So I either figured or lost them but was aisle clear of them and soon as I get to the end of the aisle Mutt almost rams me. Well as if I needed to give Jeff a reason to yell at her…he starts in on her and you know when someone is sincere or just wants your attention. He was yelling at her that she should slow down and watch out for people and such…while looking at me…I wanted to help her out and wack his scrunny ass with a bag od taders but I figured it might kill him so I apologized and moved out of her way and thought Mart…dude you have to go to the back of the store and then perhaps you work your way up to the front that way, in doing so I should only meet them one more time of get lucky enough just to miss them all together. Fat Chance! I go directly to the meats…There they are two minutes behind me, and now I am Jeff’s best friend…He starts to ask me if I like those country ribs, or the baby back ribs, and I am thinking all the time as I half smile and nod…what the hell is he talking about? Well then I noticed I did not grab pork steak but Country Ribs instead…I said I don’t normally do the cooking my wife handles all that and then I say Oh shoot I wanted Pork steak, he goes on and says you can get better pork steak at Martin’s and he yells a Mutt and says hey give’em your recipe for Ribs. So Mutt is like all happy now just to be out of the argument stage and talking to someone, that Jeff approved of. This is the point I looked around and thought I must be on Canted Camera. Where is Allen Funt? So I smile and try one more time to say My wife does the cooking and do so as I am trying to wheel away. These are the times I wished I let Bonnie do the shopping. So I think. Mart get the hell out of the food aisles and go check the DVD’s out…I am not there 5 minutes and I hear his voice, no he is not in the same aisle but he is close…and talking down to her again like she was his hound dog. This is the time I wished I was Barbara Eden and could nod my head three times and poof away in pink smoke. However that only happens in TV and Theater so I take a chance to go south in the aisle thinking they were heading north in the opposite aisle…I guess right and was able to amble back into the food aisles and finish shopping. But, now I am like a covert spy looking around each corner to make sure Mutt and Jeff was not already there. Long story coming to an end I finally finished the shopping got in the aisle and surely figured they were gone, because I had to almost shop all over again. I am checking out and the coast is clear. I pay and realized I did purchase those damned apples and oh by the way picked up the ribs instead too, I can’t be bothered while I shop I lose all concentration and so I am heading out to the lot and here they are arguing in the lot…so I quickly unload and put the cart in the cart corral and as I do not know why but my curiosity got the best of me I glanced over at them and both of them smiled and waved…and then I waved back…almost like I was forced to, and he looks at her like she had just got caught in bed with another man…So what did I learn about this experience? The will be my last Saturday shopping event as long as I live!
A huge hug and does anyone have a recipe for country style ribs?
Three pats and a wink Good Morning
Marrtay
