Loving myself's blog: "How I feel"

I have no idea what to write. My mind is so screwed up these days. I long for quiet days in the sun alone near an ocean. Free from lifes day to days. I wonder if anything will ever change for me? I sit here day after day and dream about what if? I guess untill I decide what if, I will only think and not do. I am so sad and alone inside myself. I feel trapped. I feel so disconnected at times that its as if my ears shut down and I only feel. I attempt to listen yet I hear nothing. I drive to work, home my grams by auot pilot. I eat dinner and take a shower. Its as if my life is stuck in ground hog motion. Same shit everyday. I need something to happen in my life to make me feel alive again. Its as if some part of me died. I can't seem to figure out why it is I never seem to find what I am loooking for? I feel like I forever seek yet never find it. Maybe just maybe? I am truly lost to the wind? I am off to bed to start another round in this thing I call life. I am tired, alone and sad. I need a change. I need to know I am worth it. I need to feel again. Dear lord please help me to see my path.............