Dragonfairy's blog: "Favorite Quotes"

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. - Steve Martin What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985) What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are? Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757 Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!