I am tired and sick and sick and tired of everything, especially me;
To smart for my own good, I talk without being heard, and hear without listening;
I just want to be loved is what I say but what I really mean is I dont want to be lonely;
Giving my heart to dreams of what could be; hoping, praying but never demanding anything in return
I want to be loved for who I am, what I do, and how I do it; but does this really exist beyond God?
Im trying, giving up, trying, failing, trying, letting go, nothing to hold onto thats real;
I live in my music, my books, my movies: searching for an answer...or perhaps just to know that I am not the only one...
Needing, yearning, even making up answers to their hearts questions, but never quite finding the answers
I am lost between what should be what I want to be and what actually is.
I left no bread crumbs behind, so I am feeling around in the dark with only solemn prayers that the path I choose is the right one
They Say I should be thankful for what I do have, that things could be so much worse, but what in the hell do they know seeing as how they haven't walked a mile in my shoes;
No relief from the breadth of my heart and the yearn in my soul
Mind constantly wrapping itself around the straws of understanding;
Grasping for ANYthing to make it believe EVERYthing is o.k.
Life chooses to give no explanations or make any apologies and time has simply left the building; my hiding places are being found out by all and so I stand:
Naked
Exposed
Yet...still left fully unknown
Change constant has become my own personal trap door from this;
That is...that for which I do not, I mean refuse to face
In full view, yet totally hidden will be my story always;
For as the seconds turn to minutes, and minutes to hours and hours to days, I forget to remember to forget my past...lying dormant yet active always:
Further into the abyss of my mind I fall, farther away from any chance of being understood I lay;
There is life here...one day,
but for today I am tired and sick and sick and tired of everything, especially me