Adam West's blog: "Online Dating gone wrong"

Not too long ago I met a girl online off this site called Tagged. I'm sure a few of you out there are familiar with this social networking site. We started talking online which eventually lead to her offering me her number. I was being just a nice guy online looking to chat with a cool female. She turned out alright and seemed like she was going through a tough time according to her status updates so I decided to be a friend and see how she was doing. Over time of me sending her messages checking on her to see how she was she began to have interest in me because I happened to be the only guy who she felt genuinely was being nice. I admit when she told me this I felt like she was obviously looking for attention in the wrong places because I still felt that of course other decent guys mustve approached her kindly but she begged to differ. So when she gave me her number I was prepared to call her and inquire further about her experiences with guys. When we started talking via phone I found out she was dealing with the recent death of her father. I started conversating with her about her father and how her upbringing was. She described her father as such a loving man that I immediately knew she would be looking for a man to love her the way her fathers demonstrated all her life. For me this was a high expectation of me considering I never experienced what a loving family or father was explaining to her that I was emancipated in my teens. Her finding this out about me caused her to feel more drawn to me to where eventually she felt there was mutual attraction. But for me due to working in the Customer Service related field its normal for me to be a nice person who generally gets along with almost anyone.

I don't even know this person and quite frankly she makes me skeptical. Especially after hearing her voice and asking her about her previous experiences with men. She told me that she had never been asked out on a date before which I found hard to believe unless she had some sort of deformity or hygiene problem. Which I asked and she said that wasn't the case for her. After she explained how she had been in only two relationships throughout the course of her 27 years. The first was an abusive one while the other she experienced infidelity. Of course I felt bad for her but it still wasn't enough to die down my scepticism of her and why no guy was pursuing her. She told me she had guy friends and guys who were talking to her but never saw passed being more than friends. I asked if she was a tomboy and she told me she wasn't. She doesn't have kids and from her own mouth she admits men would tell her she was cute. I was just curious especially because she had been openly expressing her interest in me in hopes to develop more than a friendship. I thought the gesture was sweet and her words were nice but the sincerity and conviction she lacked thereof.

So I asked her why she found me interesting especially after she told me the last relationship she entered in was due to her loneliness and vulnerability. Then a lightbulb popped in my head and I thought to myself...She's vulnerable obviously now especially mourning her fathers death and apparently lonely since according to her she's been single for a year and a half. So I talked with her about how I viewed our situation. She listened and said she understood how I felt and that she was sure of what she wanted in a man. Since I fit that description in her eyes she felt we should work on the idea of us being a couple. I still just didn't feel too right about the situation at hand and I was trying to find a decisive way of telling her I need more than just her telling me how she felt and what she was looking for to convince me she wasn't full of shit. She said that spending time together would only determine that but I begged to differ considering I felt being in a five year relationship was a complete waste of time especially towards the end when I felt I was with a complete stranger someone entirely different than what was initially presented.

Days went by and we continued to talk only this time she seem to notice the mannerism in which I spoke to her....Continuing to call her friend and by her government name as opposed to the frequent terms of endearment she would use towards me (loosely at that). Like how do you not know someone and start calling them baby? Shits weird if you ask me and what got to me the most was she sounded exactly like my ex on the phone which was a major turn off. But I proceeded to give her the benefit of the doubt. I figure it wouldn't hurt to see where time would lead us...unfortunately earlier this morning she sends me a message seeing how my day at work was going and after our conversation I ended it by saying " have a good day cutty". Now for those who are from the bay area and familiar with the lingo we display...you know calling someone your cutty is like basically stating that's your homie, your friend, or your road dog...this is where shit hits the fan for me...She messaged me back and says "cutty"? I thought maybe she wasn't familiar with the terminology and I was willing to school her but she replied" I know what it means but no one has ever said that to me that was a man...Personally I felt like she was insulting guys who spoke in that manner...I mean it sounds like according to her philosophy a guy who says the word "cutty" obviously isn't a man...So I replied its just a word and you shouldn't look too deep into the term. But for her she was pissed off and I would soon realize this.

So I sent her an email about affiliate marketing and how you could potentially make residual income using this program and she flipped out over an email. When I brought up the fact that obviously you mad for reasons you don't want to talk about she responded by saying just ask me first before sending me emails like that so you don't waste your time....I mean how you go from being on this fake Mary Poppins hype to showcasing the real reason ain't no guy asking you out and its cause she pulled some bipolar disorder move on a brotha...Come on ladies can't be forcing that PMS on us guys cause we ain't all hormonal like yall... To me that's just down right retarded and for someone to justify flipping out over something so minor doesn't validate but often exposes the underlying facts behind why some guys end up reacting in ways that are abusive or degrading. Realistically a man worth having doesn't feel he's worth tolerating insensitivity and psychological issues he has nothing to do with....the funny part is she said she was worried telling me how she felt would result in me rejecting her...Well, so be it.

I just feel this typical behavior in a lot of females is intolerable and to be forced to deal with a persons wavering emotions is physically and mentally draining...Why drain someone you claim to like and then play the victim against someone you settled for that only reciprocates the nature their given? I'm starting to feel the way so many women feel towards men...Are they're any who are different than the usual? Are all women the same.. inconsiderate and self centered with misdirected anger management issues? Do all women project repressed anger from past relationships which left them distraught? How come its easier to get drunk have a fling with a stranger at a bar and get on with your life and hopefully not an STD as opposed to two people uniting and defying the odds thrown against us as opposed to public displays of affection that leave the wanderer feeling like the worlds come crashing down on their heart because they're unable to experience what may seem but actually isn't behind closed doors? Why are successful relationships often undermined and underexposed? What are people so afraid of when if you lose all hope you've truly lost everything. Why its no wonder so many are bitter with built up walls to block out all emotion to become heartless and self loathing. I just feel sorry that those who want good things to fall into their lap have no realization the world doesn't operate that way.

It ain't easy playing this game but the ones whose cards shuffle in their favor dealing their hand strategically seem to almost always come off on top...while those who insist on being stubborn and don't access risk properly often deal with a losing hand playing impulsively and instead of studying the game and a players position they give up and settle for dollar slots when most always you never match appropriately making the probability of being a high stakes winner little to none. In order for men to win we have to play on the emotions of women to gain an unfair advantage over them when I'm growing tired of this very mind game which is often followed by loss of interest in a relationship, cheating, both verbal and physical abuse. It's starting to become a game that's not interesting anymore to play when there's no benefit or incentive to playing besides a chance at having our way with you in bed. Times we think have changed are passed issues recurring due to the fact we still haven't got it right...I respect relationships that work I'm bored of flings its starting to get tacky. I just want to hear from a sensible woman who actually can offer good advice not just a comment. Because unless we were in each others shoes how could we really fathom anothers experience with the opposite sex. I'm tired of the usual aren't you? i'm tired of hearing about victims of love and not those who triumph over it. Am I alone?