I am the defined notice of my own torment.
I am the defined extent of my own pain
I am my pleasure and my bond to this world,
a bond I do not want, like collar made of barbed wire.
I am gripped and held, fast and gasping
I want air and I am swallowed by my own self
inside me is all that I lack and it was laid before your god like feet,
you my Horus my anubus my answer to all I lacked,
I reached for you, forgetting myself as a goddess
I am my own reason for hell,
I have done this to myself
I am the want to open my skin to see the muscles arching and dancing under my eyes
I can feel you on me even in the dark when I am fast asleep
I can feel you in my on me through me,
I am growing to hate me and it has little to do with you.
I am sorry, I am guilty and I have no answers for my questions
You were there, but you were gone, lost in the ether and smoke
I felt you leave, like a spirit passing through me and I defined that moment as the moment my youth died.
