why at times does life have to be extremes. One can go from the bottom, shoot to the top like a dolphin in water, only to start to sink back into the darkness. in the last month, I have went from one end to the other. first I was alone, then I find a few friends, then I find my new friends friend, who is leaving to texas. then my new friends and I get a scare, about the one. then hell breaks out between the two. I get closer to someone, that I know i neather deserve, nor have a chance. then out of the blue, i hear from a long lost love, which I have been with every four or five years for the past 23. then I find out that her daughter, who is 16, MAY be mine. I cry, I think, I shed many a tear. meanwhile i lose contact with my friends, and the one person whom i worry about.
then i meet the old girlfriend, and her daughter for dinner. How i wish that girl was mine to love, that she would accept me being her father. I would be proud to share what I could with her. then, two days later, another old girlfriend, the one that first made me feel like a real man, pops back into my life. what the fuck. we remember the past, the touching like it was yesterday. we talk some on the web, and we feel like we did where we left off. so tell me, what the hell is going on in my life. I was miserable, then happy, then so damn happy, tehn confused now.
then I feel terrible, because one person is left out of all of this. I cant do anything about that, but tell her part of this dream and nightmare all at once.
but she wont listen to me any more.
so i feel the loss
and i feel empty and overflowing at the same time. but in the end, i know that i will end up alone, again.
sorry about the writing, but i'm too old for this stuff to be happening....lol
