Tannim's blog: "Harry Potter and the Mental War"

August 3^rd

With Bill and Fleur's wedding only two days away, things at the Burrow kicked into high gear.  With all of the details to be worked out, Bill, Arthur, Harry, Ron, and Remus hardly saw their other halves, and instead were put to work getting both Grimmauld Place and the Burrow ready.  It was decided that since the wedding was going to be in the Burrow garden, the girls would be at the Burrow and the guys at Grimmauld Place.

Unfortunately, things weren't going well at all.  All the preparations came to a screeching halt when it was discovered that every wizard minister in Britain who could do the ceremony was either booked or otherwise unavailable.  Apparently the victories of the day before inspired a lot of elopements and otherwise postponed weddings to go forward.  Fred and George barely could keep up with their fireworks orders, even with Lee and Charlie helping out.

This left Molly in tears and in a panic.  Fleur wasn't much better, but rather than worry, about it, she flared her temper at every male in sight, so badly that even Bill wouldn't go near her.

That led to the Council of War that met in the kitchen of the Burrow.  Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Ron, Harry, and Remus were joined by Hermione and Ginny, who were also getting fed up with the situation.

Bill was the worst off of all of them.  "They've made all these plans and they've all gone down the drain because of a lack of a minister.  That's the problem, but we've checked with every one of them in Britain!"

"What about a French one?" asked Ron.

"I checked on that," Arthur replied.  "It could be doable, but the paperwork would require postponing things by at least a week, and that throws the whole thing out of whack for all the guests."

"Why the delay?" asked Harry.

"Well," Arthur looked sheepish.  "The wizard in that department is on his own honeymoon and won't be back until next week."

"Ouch.  That timing sucks for us!" Charlie replied.

Bill groaned.  "At this rate, Fleur and I should just elope and get a ship captain to marry us!"

"Now, Bill, isn't that a little extreme?" asked Ginny.

Hermione clapped her hand to her head.  "Merlin's pants!  That's not extreme, that's bloody brilliant!  I should have thought of this sooner!  I'll be right back!"  She rushed to the fireplace, threw in some Floo Powder, and shouted, "Hogwarts!" and rushed through.

Everybody else just stared after her.

"What was THAT about?" asked Lupin.

Ron shrugged.  "When Hermione wants to solve a problem, Hermione goes to the library.  So Hermione goes to Hogwarts, because that's where the library is."

"Almost, Ron." Hermione stepped back through the fireplace, and to everyone's surprise, so did McGonagall.

She looked at the group, with a stern look on her face.  "Where is Miss Delacour?"

"She's upstairs, stewing in her room, Professor," replied Ginny.

"Arthur, please fetch Molly and meet Bill and I there.  We're going to end this nonsense right now!"  She stalked out of the room, followed by two puzzled Weasleys.

Ginny looked at Hermione.  "What are you up to?"

Hermione smiled.  "Not every person in Britain who can perform a wedding is booked."

Harry looked at her.  "You've lost me."

Hermione smiled.  "Just wait."

:I hate it when she does that!

:Don't ask me, I don't have a clue on this one either.

They waited in silence.

Finally, McGonagall entered the kitchen, followed by a very happy Bill, Fleur, Molly, and Arthur.

"We have a solution," McGonagall announced.  "The wedding will be moved to Hogwarts."

Ron and Harry were really lost now.

"Uh, Professor, how does that solve the minister problem?" Harry asked.

"Really, Harry, one of these days you should finally read Hogwarts, A History," Hermione complained.

"What does that have to do with it?" asked Ron.

"Well, Mr. Weasley, had you read it like your fiancé here, you would know that the Head of the school is authorized to perform weddings at the school," replied McGonagall.  "I will be marrying your brother and Miss Delacour."  She smiled.  "And I'm honored to do it, too."

Ginny smacked herself in the forehead.  "Of course!  Boy, are we all thick!"

"And the nice thing is that the house-elves will take care of everything, which removes almost all of the stress," added Molly.

Ron appeared to be lost in thought.  He looked up.  "Hermione, can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

Hermione followed Ron out of the room, shrugging her shoulders.

:I thought I was clueless before, but I was wrong.  I REALLY have no idea what is going on now.

:Beats me, too, Ginny.

Hermione poked her head around the corner.  "Headmistress, may we see you for a moment?  You too, Molly and Bill."  The three left the room, apparently as confused as Harry and Ginny.

"Now what?" Lupin asked.  Fleur, Charlie, and Arthur all shrugged.

A moment later Hermione poked her head around the corner again.  "Fleur? Arthur?  We need you, too."  Without a word, they left the room.

"Why do I feel like the eighth man on a Quidditch team?" asked Charlie.

"I know what you mean," replied Lupin.  "I feel like I'm only hearing about one-fourth of this conversation."

Finally everybody came back in the room.  "Can you PLEASE tell us what is going on?" demanded an irate Ginny.  "Is the wedding on, off, or what?"

"Certainly, Mrs. Potter.  The wedding is most definitely on.  Both of them, in fact."

Harry's jaw fell on the floor.  "You mean Bill and Fleur and also-"  He never finished the sentence, struck speechless.  Ginny finished it for him.

"-Ron and Hermione?" she said in a small voice.  Hermione blushed.  Ginny let out a squeal and ran and hugged her best friend.

Harry finally found his voice.  "Why now?"  he croaked.

Ron grinned and lightly punched Harry in the shoulder.  "Why not, mate?  We're both sure of this, it beats having to go through this mess twice, and Bill and Fleur are fine with it, so why not?"

"Of course this does complicate some things," Molly noted.  "Now we need to find Hermione a wedding dress.  Ginny was already a bridesmaid for Fleur, and Hermione wants her as Maid of Honor, so that solves that problem.  Ron and Charlie were already groomsmen, so that means we need to find Harry matching dress robes since Ron wants him as Best Man."

Harry thought a minute, letting his brain catch up with things.  "That means Hermione and I need to go to Diagon Alley, and somewhere along that Ron and Hermione need to get their wedding bands sorted out as well.  And we need a third bridesmaid to even it out.  What about Tonks? And who gives Hermione away?"

"She'll work," Bill replied.

Hermione turned to Lupin.  "Remus, will you do me the honor of giving me away?"

Lupin smiled broadly.  "I'd be honored, my dear."

"Harry, Hermione knows what rings to get.  Take her and get what you two need," Ron replied.  "We'll be figuring out the rest here."

"Okay, but you realize that if Skeeter sees us two shopping for a wedding dress for her and robes for me, plus rings, the rumors are really gonna fly." Harry pointed out.

Both Ron and Ginny grinned.  "Let 'em fly.  They'll be debunked in two days anyway," Ron replied.

Ginny chimed in, "Besides, we trust you and we know better.  And on top of that, you two can't elope anyway, all the ministers are booked!"  They laughed.

"All right, you win.  Come on, Hermione, let's go shopping and scare some people."  Harry took her hand.  They started to leave, but Harry stopped and turned around.  "Do Fred and George know?  Of course not; they weren't even here last night.  They don't even know Ron and Hermione are engaged."  He grinned mischievously and looked at Hermione.  She looked at him, then understanding dawned on her face and she grinned too.

"Let's get those jokers."

:What are you up to?

:Well, if Skeeter sees us and the rumors fly, what would happen if Fred and George were to get the same idea, with a little, well, persuasion?

:OH, you devious prat!  That's hysterical!  Get 'em both!

Hermione looked at Ron.  "Bear with us and trust us on this one.  We're going to get them good.  Not a word to them that I'm marrying Ron. We're going to let them think I'm marrying Harry, that he dumped Ginny and I dumped you, but they don't know it, and wait for the look on their faces at the wedding!  Now Bill, and Charlie, you need to keep them from killing Harry since he's supposed to be with Ginny, and Ginny, you need to play innocent and dumb completely, but reaffirm your love and trust for Harry if asked.  Same for Ron.  Oh, this can be so good!  Not a word, the rest of you, OK?"

Grinning, they set off for Diagon Alley.  Ginny wrote a note to Skeeter.

It will be in your interest to be in Diagon Alley immediately.  Potter may be making a very public appearance in moments.

Fawkes took the note and disapparated.

"Do you think it'll work?" asked Molly.

"Mum, Harry gave Voldemort a hotfoot at Gringotts two days ago.  He pranked the worst wizard of all time and walked away laughing.  It'll work," Ron replied with a grin.

"HE DID WHAT?" Molly and McGonagall both shouted.

* * *

"Where first, Harry?"  Hermione asked.

"Jewelry store.  You know what you want, so let's go there first," replied Harry.  "And let's be convincing, all right?" He slipped his arm around her waist and she returned the gesture, resting her head on his shoulder. "That works.  Feels odd, but it works."

They walked that way past Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, and Harry was sure he saw one of the twins in front, and he decided to play it up by giving Hermione a kiss on the cheek.  He saw the double-take out of the corner of his eye as they continued up the street.

* * *

Inside the shop George had just finished ringing up a purchase when he saw Harry in the street, his arm around...Hermione???

Did he just kiss her?  Does Ginny know this?  "Fred! Get out here quick!"

"What is it?" George just pointed, mouth open at the couple walking up the street arm wrapped around each other.  "Oi!  That's Harry!  Who's he with?"

"Hermione."  Fred just watched them go into the jewelry store.  "What the bloody Hell was that?"

"He kissed her, Fred, I saw it," George's face turned purple.  "That two-timing prat!  We need to tell Ginny right now!"

"Wait a second, George, calm down.  Let's wait a minute and see what happens next."

* * *

Someone else noticed, too.

Potter and the Mudblood?  Oh, I owe her big time.  This will make for some juicy gossip!

Quietly, Rita Skeeter followed them, thankful for the anonymous tip she had gotten.

* * *

"Did they see us?" Hermione asked as they walked in the door.

"Positive.  Skeeter, too.  They'll probably be watching for us when we come out, so play it up," whispered Harry.

Hermione went over to the cases.  "Those two," she pointed out.  The clerk took them out.

"I think they'll be a lovely pair for you.  Congratulations!"

"Thanks.  You sure, honey?"  Harry asked.

"I'm sure.  Let's get this done.  We still have to find my dress and your robes, and we've only got today and tomorrow to pull this off before they find out!"  Hermione replied.  Harry promptly paid for the rings and they headed for the door.

"Kiss me in the doorway.  I'll make sure the box is seen," Harry whispered.

They got to the door and opened it.  Hermione threw her arms around Harry's neck and kissed him full on the lips.  He put his inside hand behind her head and held the kiss while making a show of fumbling and inserting the ring box into his pocket with the outside hand, then broke off the kiss and they headed to the robe shop.

"Nice kiss, Hermione, but it didn't feel right," Harry whispered.  "You're no Ginny, but I'm no Ron, either.  Sorry about holding it, but I had to make sure they saw the box."

"Just playing the role, Potter, and you're right, you're no Ron," she looked at him and grinned.  "But you're not bad, either.  Ginny is a good influence on you."  She giggled, then laid her head on his shoulder again as the walked to the robe shop and entered.

From behind a potted plant, Skeeter's eyes bugged out.

* * *

"Okay, Fred, what do you say now?" George asked angrily.

"Why those dirty, double-crossing, no-good finks!" Fred shouted.  "You're right, we tell Ginny and Ron NOW!"

They went over to the fireplace and threw in some Floo Powder.  "The Burrow!"

At the Burrow kitchen, Lupin looked up at the twins' heads in the fire.  "Hello, boys, what's up?"

"Moony, get Ron and Ginny in there NOW!"  A moment later, Ron and Ginny, listening just around the corner, came in.

"Ginny, your husband is cheating on you with your brother's girlfriend," Fred said angrily.

Ginny looked at them innocently.  "No, Harry wouldn't do that.  Besides, Fleur is here, and she's not his type anyway."

"Wrong brother," growled George.  "We meant Hermione."

Ron looked at the fire.  "Nah, those two are like brother and sister.  You've been rehashing old Skeeter articles.  I trust him.  They went shopping for wedding presents for Bill and Fleur."

"Well, from what we saw, they were doing more than that, walking with their arms wrapped around each other, snogging in public, buying jewelry, and now they're in the formal robe store!" Fred retorted.

Ginny looked at them, still with the innocent face, but inside, she had opened the link and Harry was hearing everything.  "Ron's right, they're just shopping.  You must be seeing things.  We really need to get back to the wedding plans here."

The two left the room, went to the drawing room, closed the door, and burst out laughing.  "They're hooked, like two fish!" chortled Ron.

"I couldn't keep a straight face any longer in there!" Ginny was rolling on the floor, holding her sides.  "Harry told me Skeeter saw them, too!"  Ron roared with laughter.

* * *

In the robes shop, Hermione was going through wedding dresses until she finally found the one she liked.  Harry had already found his and Lupin's robes and was waiting, while listening in to the conversation at the Burrow.  He noticed in a mirror Skeeter peering in behind him.  He suppressed his own laughter.  We'll need to ice this cake on the way out!

Finally Hermione came out with a dress under wraps.  Harry paid the bill and they headed for the door.  He turned to her.

"In the doorway, kiss me, and hold on to the bags, and hold on to me tight.  We're going to leave with a flourish," Harry whispered.  Hermione nodded.

They opened the door and stepped outside.  Hermione planted a long kiss on him, and he swept her up in his arms, as if her were going to carry her across a threshold.  Then they turned and disapparated back to the Burrow, and he carried her into the drawing room where Ron and Ginny were waiting.  "We disapparated like this, so they got an eyeful," Harry said as he handed her to Ron.  Ginny promptly jumped into Harry's arms, doing a perfect imitation of Hermione.  Then the four burst out laughing.

* * *

"Did you see that?  Merlin's beard, they're eloping, I swear!  That bag was long enough to hold a wedding dress!" Fred swore.

"If you don't kill them, I'll do it!" George growled.

* * *

By the shop, Rita smirked, then headed down the street to the Daily Prophet.  She had a hot one, and it couldn't wait.